JUANITA

I'd like to meet:

Dave Matthews, Taylor Hicks, Antonio Banderas, Jim Carey, James Blunt, Michelle, and God of course.CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 am. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!" "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything." The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!" Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, Peter, Peter, the something eater." ___________________________________________PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?" _____________________________________________MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f**king Goofy." ___________________________________________Did you know..Captain Hook died from jock itch. ____________________________________________One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged to have sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree." Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp,"What the hell did you do that for?" "Just checking for bees," said TarzanYou are a Carnation:You are friendly, energetic, cheerful, and bubbly. You love being around people. Outgoing and talkative, you rarely meet a stranger. Others feel at ease around you because of your playful nature.Symbolism: In Victorian times carnations were given to show fascination with another. They also symbolize friendship and whimsicalness.Two Indians and a West Virginia Hillbilly were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a smallcave. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was allabout."Was the other Indian crazy or what?" The Indian replied "No, it is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful woman in there waiting for us."Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately, there was the answer. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"from deep inside.He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, "OH, man. Look at the size of this cave. It's bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, finewomen in this cave." He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might 'Wooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"Hoping for good luck, he listened then heard an answering call, "WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO." With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he tore off his clothes, yelled "hot diggity" and raced into the cave with eager anticipation.The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read.... NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN.
You scored as Sweet Fairy. You are the Sweet Fairy!! You are very kind and think of others before yourself. You seem to find the good in people.

Sweet Fairy

100%

Love Fairy

83%

Natural Fairy

83%

Earth Fairy

83%

Lazy Fairy

50%

Enchanted dark Fairy

50%

Queen Fairy

50%

Light Fairy

50%

Mist Fairy

17%

Sleep Fairy

0%
What Fairy Are You?
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Unicorn
Beauty inside and out. But be careful. People may take your kindness for a weakness. You Are A Poplar Tree
People tend to look up to you, and it's a bit lonely at the top.
Inside, you are not always self confident, but you show great courage.
Mature and organized, you are reliable in any situation.
You tend to have an artistic or philosophical outlook on life.
You are very choosy in love and take partnership seriously. FAIRY DREAMS In the night, I visit your wonderland. The dew, covers velvet green ground. The sweet fragrance of wildflowers are in the distance, I taste the mist in the air, I await the sound of your fluttering wings, the echoes of piper's music, and the dance of light swirling from pedal, to pedal. With in the shadows, you peer at me, I return your gaze, yet you shy away. A twinkle in the sky, cast a spell upon me. You take my breath away and make my heart sing.My senses grasp the image of you, I see only a glimpse, but, your beauty is overwhelming, and your touch is everlasting. ..

Music:

Taylor Hicks, Dave Matthews, Chris Daughtry,Katharine McPhee, Danzig and all kinds of rock music. Chris Daughtry - It's Not Over

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Movies:

Comedy, Action, Sci-fi., and Anime Pirates of the Carribean: At Worlds End Trailer

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Television:

Cartoons, American Idol, Wheel of Fortune, and some Reality T.V. the new scooby doo

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Books:

Eragon, Dean Coonts, Steven King, and I'm not into love stories. Fairie Tales

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Heroes:

My husband and daughter. My father and mother.A POEM ABOUT OUR GIRLFRIENDS~~~~~~Someone will always be prettier. Some will always be smarter. Some of their houses will be bigger. Some will drive a better car. Their children will do better in school. And their husband will fix more things around the house.So let it go, and love you and your circumstances. Think about it!The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart. And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children. And the richest woman you know, she's got the car, the house, the clothes~~~~ might be lonely. And the word says, "If I have not Love, I am nothing."So, again, love you. Love who you are. Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say, "I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed, to be disappointed!" "Winners make things happen~~ Losers let things happen."Be "blessed" ladies~~~~~ FRiENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs HOMIES: Call your parents DAD/MOMFRiENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. HOMIES: Would sit next to you sayin "Damn ... we fucked up ... but that shit was fun!"FRiENDS: never seen you cry. HOMIES: cry with youFRiENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. HOMIES: keep your shit so long they forget its yours.FRiENDS: know a few things about you. HOMIES: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.FRiENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. HOMIES: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.FRiENDS: Would knock on your front door. HOMIES: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"FRiENDS: Are for awhile. HOMIES: Are for life.FRiENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough. HOMIES: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste shit."FRiENDS: will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. HOMIES: Will knock them the fuck out Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
You are too innocent and sweet for your own good.
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You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents, beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
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During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:"Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"Michael said, "Just a minute, I have to go pee."The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite."What about you Peter, how would you say it?"Peter said, "I'm sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"I would say, "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I look forward to introducing you to right after dinner."The teacher fainted. An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months . . . . Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house . . . . A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house . . . . He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life . . . . Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account . . . . If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each . . . . However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him . . . . . "You have sex again." Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield."Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?""Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," replies Sister Helen.Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns."What shall I do now?" she shouts."Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen.Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns."Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine?"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen. "Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine. She opens the window and shouts........ "Get the fuck off the car!!!The king's daughter Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, plastic -- anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too was sent away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after. She whispered "will it hurt me?" "Of course not" answered he "It's a very simple process, You can rely on me."She said "I'm very frightened, I've not had this before. My friend has had it five times And said it can be sore."It was growing rather painful Tears formed in her eyes It was hurting quite a bit now It must have been a size."Calm yourself" he whispered "His face filled with a grin "Try and open wider So I can get it in.""It's coming now" he whispered "I know" she cried in bliss Feeling it deep within her now She said "I am glad I'm having this."And with a final effort She gave a frightened shout He gripped it in anguish And quickly pulled it out.She lay back quite contended Sighed and gave a smile She said "I'm glad I came now You made it worth my while."Now if you read this carefully The dentist you will find Is not what you imagined It's just your dirty mind!! A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.""You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this Country...we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives........""Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.HE LOOK AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.FINE,THEN THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHTTO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SOFINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK.I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS. HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS....................................HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOMEAS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED? SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED.JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?SHE REPLIED, HELLOOOOO... DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!