get your own layout here! :)
get your own layout here! :)
June 3rd.
My birthday is coming up. =) I can't wait to go camping. Life is going okay...
May 31st.
I'm sooooooooooooooooo excited to move!!! =D 2 months bby! Fresh new start. Change of scenary. It's going to be amazing and the more I think about it, the more I get excited. New short-term goal:loose 20 pounds in 2 months.
May 29th.
Why is that boys always come to you when you don't want them to? But when you're lonely and want someone sooooo bad, you can never find anyone. It's soooo weird and it always goes that way for me. I shouldn't date anyone right now. Not with the shit that's going on in my life and not when I'm 2 months shy of moving across the country. Blah...I don't need a reason to stay home. I guess whatever happens, happens but I don't want things to get more complicated.
May 26th.
It's sad to me how much someone who you care about can change so much for the worst in such a short time period. I'm not trying to judge anybody, but when you can tell that a person lost touch of who they are as a person it's just a sad thing to witness. Even though I've cut back on my partying quite a bit, I still feel like I can't control myself when I am drinking. I don't know how to pace myself and act reasonable and I hate it. I just need to slow down for a bit. I'm not saying I'm going to stop in general (because we all know that's not going to happen) but I want to learn how to control myself so I don't completely let go and end up making huge mistakes that I have to live with sober. I feel like crap...I think I have bronchitis AGAIN. I'm not getting any sleep because I'm coughing so much and my whole body is weak. Blah...
May 25th.
Today I went to my fathers grave with my grandparents. It was so uncomfortable...I just hate seeing them so upset and knowing that my grandma still holds so much hate towards God because her son is gone. She came up to me and gave me the biggest hug I've ever recieved from her. We cried and let everything out and I somehow got this weird feeling like we were bonding. I hate that it's been over 11 years since he's been gone and I still can't get over everything that he ever did. I wish I could forgive him but it's so hard thinking of all the bad memories. No matter what though, I still love him because he's my father rather I like it or not and I know that he loved my brother and I. R.I.P. Pryce Mitchell John Childers.
May 23rd.
Tonight was the rehearsal for Rob & Paige's wedding. Watching them do a run through with their vows and seeing the way Rob looked at Paige brought me to tears. I'm going to cry like a baby tomarrow. The reception hall looks GORGEOUS! =D We did such a good job on it. I'm whipped and ready for bed. Tomarrow is going to be a long, but fun day. PS...I hate being ignored. It really, really bugs me.
May 22nd.
I'm getting really fucking aggitated with boys messaging me and then throwing a bitch fit when I don't answer. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to go out of my way to talk to you when I don't know you, k? I'm so bitchy tonight and I don't know why. Well, I do because something is really bothering me but I shouldn't let it get to me. I'm done with boys. Every fucking time I think I met someone nice or begin to get interested in a boy, I just end up getting fucked over and fed a wholllleeee bunch of bull shit. Why the fuck can't boys just be straight up? Seriously...whatever.
May 21st.
I realized last night that I need to learn how to say no. I have a really hard time with letting people down and I'm always worried about pleasing other people that I ignore my inner voice. I need to slow down. My head hurts so bad. I felt like shit all day today. Hanna is leaving tomarrow morning...gah. What else can go wrong right now? I need to leave.
May 20th.
I miss you so much today that I can almost feel the pain in my heart. I hate that you are so far away. So now it's down to making this huge choice of leaving everything that I've ever known, or staying and learning to deal that you aren't here anymore. Why does it have to be so complicated? I need you to help me get through my problems and I know you are the only one that could really help me...but I wish I could learn how to handle them on my own. Everytime I think I'm going to be okay, I spin out of control again. I'm so mad at myself that I let it get this bad. If only I could turn back the clock. There would be so much I would do different. ily.
May 19th.
This weekend was so fun. =D Can't wait till Paige's wedding this weekend. Hanna is moving away this Thursday...=( She just got back and now she's leaving again. Bahhh...And I'm gone in 3 months. How scary is that? I know this move is going to be for the best but I don't want to leave everybody back here. Especially, since I just met this suuuuppppper cute and suuuuuuupppper nice boy. I totally have a crush.=)
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