Im a member of the IMFC,Iron Maiden Fan Club.
Im The Wicker Girl
A short guide to recognize different types of metal fans
no growling, no emo, no shit
HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.
POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.
BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.
DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, and then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert.
PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess's bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the HEAVY METAL protagonist.
SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someone’s screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, the dragon and princess are still looking for the one who did this.
CHRISTIAN METAL
The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to 'thank' the protagonist, he replies, "sorry, but I don't believe in having sex before marriage."
GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess's make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour. He attempts to kill the dragon, but instead turns him gay. They go home to listen to Motley Crue while getting high of hairspray.
Iron Maiden - Flight 666
