George Costanza

My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents. I'm a bad seed. I'm a bootlegger. My whole life is a lie. Some people call me T-Bone. If I was a porno actor, my name would be Buck Naked. I am a widower. My fiance Susan died from poisonous envelopes that I picked out for our wedding invitations. Her parents blame me for her death. I would name my first child Seven, it works for both male and female, and it's got cache baby!! If it were socially acceptable, I would drape myself in velvet. I want to have sex with a giant woman. I once told a woman I coined the phrase "Pardon my French." I invented the "it's not you it's me routine." I pretended to be a marine biologist and saved a whale once. If you give me any intersection in New York City, I'll tell you the best and closest bathroom. I know less about women than anyone. No one's a bigger idiot than me. I just passed up a lifetime of guilt-free sex, and floor seats to every event in Madison Square Garden. So please...a little respect--for I am Costanza. Lord of the Idiots! I had a high school gym teacher give me a wedgie once. I was fired from a job once for having sex with the cleaning woman on the desk in my office. If I had any idea that that sort of thing was frowned upon, I never would have done it. I can't carry a pen, I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum. George likes his chicken spicy. I'm also a double-dipper. Every decision I have ever made has been wrong. I once bought a rocking chair for a security guard. Why should they have to stand all day?? I once had a carpenter install a compartment under my desk so I could sleep at work. One time my mother "caught me." I have 2 horses named Snoopy & Prickly Pete. Oh, and I have a house in the Hampton's.