I lived in a field. And now I live in a tin. I used to be the drummist in Hirishoko with Mark Fernyhough. I was hopeless. We shared a stage with Editors once. Who were called the Pride back then. And before that they were called Pilot. Which was also the name of the greatest band of the greatest decade (the 1970s), so they had to change it.
I have been obsessed with the '70s ever since I realised the 1980s were shit. Goddamn Thatcher!
I am - by most definitions - English, but I have a strong affinity for Scotland. I've supported the Scottish football team since I was 7, so have experienced a huge amount of disappointment, and, should I need it, a series of calamities preceding that time to wallow in. Still, every so often we beat England (or England lose to someone else), which makes it all worthwhile.
Recently I've tried to stick up for England too. So it was doubly disappointing when they failed to qualify for Euro 2008 because I couldn't even take pleasure in their misfortune!
I wrote to Jim'll Fix It but Jim didn't make my dream come true. I think there were too many logistical difficulties so he let some fat bastards eat their lunch on a rollercoaster *again*
Dear Jim,
Please could you fix it for me to go back to 1978, be Richard O'Sullivan (Man About the House) for a day and seduce Sally James from Tiswas, Tessa Wyatt from Robin's Nest and Helli Louise (top Scandinavian saucepot). It can be at the same time or consecutively, whatever's easiest for you.
I would pick them up in this car:
whilst wearing the Scotland football jersey previously featured on this page and listening to Clout (ace South African girl group) on 8-track cartridge.
I'd then like to share a bottle of vodka with Yootha Joyce at the London Hotel and watch an episode of The Tomorrow People (so make sure it isn't during an ITV technicians' strike).
Before returning to the present day I'd send a telegram to Ally McLeod in Argentina and tell him to get someone other than poor Don Masson to take that penalty against Peru. Then I'd ring Jim Callaghan and persuade him to hold the general election in autumn '78. He'd take my advice because I am Richard O'Sullivan, Man of the '70s!
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