some may say i'm one smug bastard, and you know what?, they might just be right. I get the scummiest of scrubbers on my show just to make myself look good. When the cameras are rolling I give nothing but a professional performance, but once the Jeremy Kyle show's over it's a whole different story...
Oh yes, the Jeremy Kyle show certainly changes people's lives - I get those council estate chav whores to come and work the streets for me. I got bitches in every town up & down the country, it's easy. I just get 'em hooked on the finest crack in the land, get social services to come & relieve them of the burden of their uncared for children, then pimp those bitches out. If they complain, I'll cut their earnings down to 5%.
See that's me, caring Jeremy Kyle, teaching lessons in life every day and helping the people who need it most - you just know one day I'm gonna be made Sir Jeremy Kyle for all the good work I do - and then you dirty bastards really better watch out cos there'll be no stopping me, I'll be the ONLY supplier of crack in this country, and all newborn babies will be called Jeremy in my honour, muhahahahaha.
so fill up your crack pipe, and go out and abuse some of the less fortunate, but if anyone asks, uncle Jeremy didn't tell you to do it.