U.S. Contagion

Born a small black Jewish Pole and living in Austria in 1933 was not an easy time for front man Tatham Infante. To make matters worse, the flesh eating disease that had inflicted him with what can only be described as beastly large red testicles, had worsened as he entered his teen years. Coming from a poor black family with no medical care was troubling to not only young Tate, but his mother... who was also his father. The bills quickly started to pile. It was imperitive that the young crippled lad find work, and fast. Luckily for him, his blinding red testicles came in handy during the outbreak of WW2, as the allied forces paid Sir Tatham to use his bright, fleshy red testicles as landing strips for their runways, saving millions of dollars and countless lives.The war was coming to an end, and the money train was on its way back to America, where Tatham could only dream of being. Luckily for him, Bob Hope was in dire need of a helper, and hired Tatham to help him pack up equipment. This was Tatham ticket to the United States. Several decades later, living in the ghettos of south Philly, Tatham was fortunate enough to stumble upon... or rather stumble over a drunken derelict begging for change to feed his addiction to softcore, man on boy porn. Taking time to slip his erect penis back into his zipper, Mike" Dizzy"Polizze was kind enough to shake the hand of the man that would soon be his band mate. Living in a large refridgerator box, Tatham and Mike were desperate for a new life. To make matters worse after several years of trying, they were still unable to conceive a child.They needed a new direction, and music seemed like the only likely direction to take, being that they were worthless at anything else. However, what of a beat? What of the backbone to this soon to be rock God that would become U. S. Contagion??? That question, and many others were answered at the Sammie Rhodes filming of " Vault of Whores" where they discovered a young Eric Noce, playing bongos on the saggy breasts of an obese lesbian. Prying his mouth from her CD sized nipples was not an easy task, but after much fluffing Eric Noce decided to leave the porn industry in search for a better life.... and much more alchohol. U. S Contagion had been formed, and the world would be better for it, as well as the Pabst Blue Ribbon company.