The man who holds the Guiness world record for biggest beard. Not simply the longest beard but the whole shebang, I mean anyone can grow a few tuffts of hair but I wanna see some real depth to a beard, the kind of beard that has stories to tell and skeletons in the closet. Basically what I'm saying is I want to meet the man who's got the biggest surface area of beard measured in hair per squared centimeter. And I want to shake that guy by the hand and say "Nice beard mate".