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?HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a
University Chemistry essay. The
answer by one student was so "profound" that the
professor shared it with colleagues, via the
internet which is why we now
have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat)
or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and
heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
changing in time. So we need to know the rate at
which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at
which they are leaving. I think that we can safely
assume that once a Soul gets to Hell, it will not
leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look
at the different religions that exist in the world
today. Most of these religions state that if you are
not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and
since people do not belong to more than one
religion, we can assume all people will go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can
expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of
the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that
in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to
stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as
souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the
rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature
and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and
pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa
during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day
in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into
account the fact that I slept with her last night,
then number two must be true, and thus I am sure
that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has
frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and
is therefore,
extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving
the existence of a divine being which explains why,
last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
