About Me
Okay so im kayla... duhhh. :p I go to Riverdale & im a sophomore! my year has been going okayyy. i'm a pretty friendly person, but can be very shy. i'm only mean to the people i care about most. kinda weird. i feel like i can never make anyone happy no matter how hard i try. i just want to be that person that someone always wants around. i want to be loved and cared about, but i never feel that way. i'm terrible with relationships, so if you're interested i'd think twice about that. i'm not sure where life is taking me, and honestly i'm not very happy with all that's going on or life itself. i'm not a very happy person anymore, and really all i want is happiness. it'd help with a lot of things. i give people multiple chances (like thousands) and they still let me down. so you could say that i forgive easily, but forgetting is very hard for me to do. when i begin to start loving someone i cant seem to let them go even when it's for the best. so i ask that you please not hurt me, cause i'm already broken enough, and i've lost too many people to afford to lose any more. so if you know i love you, could you please never leave me? I've had too much of that. i seem to be losing everyone i've ever been close to. for instance my best friend, my now ex boyfriend, and there's been others. anyway, my best friend is still DEFINITELY jenniferrrr aylin goldberger. :)<3 i love her sooooo much! she is the best, best friend anyone could EVER ask for. But if and when she reads this she's going to think it's a COMPLETE lie but it's really not. Swear. And i dont lie on swears. And im sorry for everything that's gone wrong in our friendship i really do hope it lasts forever. No joke. Swear. I know you feel that Chris is the only person I have room for, but that's really not the truth, and it's not like you have anything to worry about anymore. I know i talk about him a lot, but he is a special part of me, and i can't change that. knowing he won't be back is kinda a new feeling for me. it terrifies me. even though i've felt this way before, I know he just won't be back this time. I wish you could understand the way i felt, but that'd mean that you'd have to go through the same thing and I don't want that. I love you! Anyway, there's my love life, which really kinda sucks, so I don't really have much of one anymore. I had Christopher for the longest. February 27, 2009, was the day we got together. kinda a life changing day for me. everything's been different since then. he made me super happy on our good days, and even on our bad days I never really wanted him to go. I was with him for a little over a year. I'm not sure what exactly went wrong or why he left. he seemed to be getting better and i was too, i thought. i was convinced that he was changing and that we could finally be happy again, but i guess not. anyway, I do miss him. He has my heart! well some of it anyway. the rest is left for jennifer, friends, and family. :( Some of my greatest memories were spent being with him. Like the time we went catching tadpoles (he caught so many more than me), but when we went catching lightening bugs I so caught a ton more. :p he used to walk to my house everyday in the summertime, which was 6 miles away. that's when he actually seemed to somewhat care. The park was kinda a special place for me. I loved going there with him (DEFINITELY a lot of memories). ha there was one time that we were there at night and we ended up falling asleep in a slide. :p well as i was dozing off, my phone started ringing and we had to start heading back. it was fun though. :] It was sweet, also awkward when he cried for me, that happened like 3 times that I know of, I actually thought he cared. We went to the mall TOO many times. Watching movies all cuddled up with him was amazing. On the Fourth of July, we went for a walk, and it started raining, so we ran back to my house. We got super soaked. I chased him around with fireworks that night. One time he hugged me for like 5 minutes straight. It was cute. We kissed a bajillion times, and I've never felt anything better, and sometimes it felt like the first kiss all over again, and I'd get an achy feeling in my heart. Ever have that happen? When he looked me in the eyes and told me he loved me, and always would, and that one day he'd marry, and that I was his forever...I actually kinda really believed him. How silly of me. He wrote me a bunch of poems, but I only have 5 of them. Those are sweet, also. There's so many more memories, but too many to name. Anyway, it gets tough sometimes dreaming about him every night and having to wake up and realize that he's not mine anymore, and that he's already moved on. I hardly ever sleep anymore cause i can never just stop thinking. There's nothing I can do to make him be with me, and it sucks. I honestly only want him. :/ I've tried so hard to make him want and love me, but i've failed miserably. that's just something you can't make happen. i guess it's just time to move on and leave the boy alone. i don't want to though, i don't want to give up, but he's pretty much forcing it. i hate how he can't give up girls for me, but he can give up me for other girls. There's so much more I can say about him, but I'm not going to. Pretty sure you get the point. Anything else you would like to know... just ask. :)
