zack ???

i like rough-housing, horseplay, and fooling around!this section will be in braille for the sight impaired! ..::.:. .: :.: :.:: :.. no, it is a lie, i am very sorry! i wish i knew braille so i could translate my writing for the blind, but i was sick during that week of school. i thought of the braille thing because i went to the guitar store. it is a small place in a strip mall, and outside every store next to the door there is a little plaque with the name of the store, and some braille underneath. and of course, at the guitar store, it says GUITAR STORE .::.:.:... .:.:::. so blind people will know where to get their guitars! i think this is eminently useful, because if i were blind, i would probably just play the guitar all day. one thing you may not know is that every time you go up to one of these public plaques, close your eyes, and say, "oh god where am i? where am... (rubs fingers on braille plaque) oh thank god i'm at the guitar store," your chance of getting run over by a bus increases by one percent. that's not a lot, but if you do it a hundred times, you are screwed! stay off the sidewalk!!!anyway i was in this trashy strip mall for a while, checking out the latest designs in horrible guitars, and then i walked back out to my car, because i do not really need a bad guitar made out of plywood in china! i had walked up to the door and had my keys out, ready to unlock the door, when i saw written on the side of the car: I WISH MY WIFE WAS THIS DIRTY!! i was aghast! why would a person write such a thing on my car??! i licked my finger, and washed out the word WAS, and wrote WERE beneath it. i wish my wife were this dirty, in the subjunctive mood! much better, i thought, and went to get in the car. but then i realized, this message is not specific! if i am going to have a slogan on my car, i want it to be clear in its purpose and strident in its goals! i smeared out the whole thing with the palm of my hand, and wrote I WISH MY WIFE WERE COVERED IN GRIME WHICH ONLY RINSED OFF IN HEAVY RAINS next to the smear mark. much better! i thought. (fortunately, my car is extremely dirty, which makes for high contrast should someone want to write on the side by removing some of the grime in the shape of letters!) then, i added a braille translation below it, the best i could manage! .: .:..:: .. .:.:.:.:: .:..: ETC i had only gotten so far before i realized that i didn't know braille, and was instead just putting periods and colons beneath everything i wrote. the braille translation was not really that helpful anyway as i would have had to raise small bumps on my car, and i don't think i am ready for that level of car modification quite yet. when i am, though, i am going to get a giant spoiler on my old honda, and it is going to say BRAILLE TYPE on the sides! except it won't say it in letters, they'll be raised bumps, so you can only read it if you are blind. and it won't have bass speakers, but it will have little treble speakers all over which play morse code! i know that blind people don't necessarily all know morse code, but the sound of morse code is so intimidating. i will roll up next to some glossy truck with shiny rims, blasting morse code, and rev my engine, and the guy will get all riled up for a second, but then when he sees that the car is a tribute to blind people, he will think i don't know where i am going, and refuse to race me! EAT MY BRAILLE YOU HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUT!!!