11522698

i just write....read my page..and my blogs...my older blogs are good too dont sleep on them!!!..."welcome to my world"..words from a retart.....by SHINE............. its dark noones around, a place filled with blindness and hate, as soon as things look bright, noones around to appreciate, in my mind a constant fight, maybe ill open my eyes and shell be found?,ive grown so lonely, all i got is my homies, but can they be trusted?, nah i look around and there all fonies, i dont want her to bone me, still cant find the difference between being love and lusted,its so empty in here, a world so currupted, walk around to my self, wont open up because of fear, until it all comes up and is erupted, still i reach for that beer, and spit in the face of that fool in the mirror.,which rules my destiny, my mind or my heart, cant really tell ive lost the rest of me, y live when the whole word has got the best of me, as for now to make me happy, all i got is my ink and my art. welcome to my world....words from a retart -------------------------------chris 1/9/06-----this is wat i woke up writing this mourning...so everyone can c how my mind works....................................................... ............................................................ .hip hop through my eyes hip hop is soul its got flavor better bold than bland, sit down or stand and it doesnt have to be for 50 grand, from here straight to faraway lands, lots of use for emphasis like ising our hands, to demand we take a stand, and try to speak slowly and clearly so that they understand, were heard from the east, were heard from the west, we rock hard to weed out the meek and observe the best, like an examination, a true questionare a test of words fluttered cutting through the air, to help out dispair, and to not loose our hair, even though the flow can look better with the hats that we wear, some dudes are cool and some really care, some ryhmes are cruel but the battles are fair, not like a rabbit versus a bear, a battle of habbit down to a deep stare, a good mc rare weak mcs dare, to defy my existance without my resistance, first to last sentence till driven to repentance, sparks of energy with clashes of kenetics, i doubt u niggas wouldve ever expected this, brewing this gift thanksgiving beatings all the way through xmas, my words are flowing fast but i gotta end this, and on that note kid im finished.................."evil in my eyes".......shine............ this demonic dely moves at a frantic pace away, emotionally being slayed way before his adulthood was staged, feelin unable to be moved out and caged, frantic as hell with a fiery rage, soul dark as inflicted by the black plaque. seeking help and recklessly searching for aid, for the purpose of memory being delayed, a trade with the devel is what i had just made, an exchange with my soul cut out with a blade, out of my mind produces an evil parade, en evil trapped inside from a young age, now exposed underlying the truth he cannot be saved, only thing that could trigger his brain, is a reminder of every spray can he sprays, back to the era of my vandalism days, but a long time ago now my memory fades. he busts through the gates with alcohol inflicted, into places with signs saying "access restricted", just as maybe the palm reader predicted, the teenage mind is blind and beligerant, he may look dumb but truly inteligent, possibly reckless and maybe neglegant, its just the devil lies about life being intimate, with his association love is infinite? cause once sided with the dark side, its sure true that evil would be dominant. so if asked don't even try it! look to the stars now for forgiveness, even said extra prayers on easter and christmas, prayed before and after church was dismissed, give anything in the world for God not to be pissed, but heres the story the whole plot twist, God turned his back on me for slitting my wrist, and he disapears over the horizon in a deep mist, so i scream at him hand in a fist, please come back im the one youv'e missed, but hes gone by now but definatley missed, life without reason is not beleiving, even though the world may be deceiving, never dance with the devel not even while dreaming, lust, envy, jealousy, and hate, those are the four devels that will erase your life's meaning.................................................... "lost"---chris im trapped in a box, 4x4 doors shut with locks, silence stricken, insanity urges by consecutive seconds of tick tocks. the four walls painted white appear to fuzz, the outmatched sound now the flourecent ligts buzz, i need to get out this is a must, kicks to the doors but they wont bust! wait a chair in the corner now i cant rest and think, look on the floor a pen, now i can write my thoughts in ink, distracted now by a beautiful voice as she sings, i need to get close to the joy she brings, i used the pen to pick the lock, now all of a sudden im trapped in this room as it starts to shrink! dont panic this might be an illusion, a mind trick being played with this horrible dilusion, i start punching the walls, it must have life because they are bruising, but faster and faster they do not stop moving! now im sure of the definition of scared, due to the tension ive now lost all of my hair, disapeared from the top of my head now shiny and bare, the walls start laughing at me, they hate me thats one thing they share, "where am I" i cry, the walls respond "you are in the middle of hate's lair!" a voice from the heavens now speaks to me, "to get out of this situation just beleive in me," reach in my pocket, finally a key!, tried to start walking towards the door, but then i noticed the floor has swallowed my legs to my knee! its obvious now that im not getting out, the floor has swallowed me up to my mouth, i go out screaming into the ground, so i never survived, in hell i drowned, to disapear without a trace, and i was never found....damn now thats some deeeeeep shiiiit..................................................... ........................................................... .."Walk On By".....shine happy valentines day, its prolly the reason why, i am writing in this way, i want my heart to be taken quick, but her face is still all i see when i sleep, as i listen lonely as the clock silently ticks, are you foreal or is my mind playin tricks? too many have come and gone, but all left because our lack of bond, jus one for now i know im fond, brown hair with maybe just a tint of blond, i would notice this is if ud stick around, but u disapear like trickles in a pond. so im all alone now like casper, wishin life would move on and go faster, but then i noticed i was going to fast, damn i missed a glance and passed her, but i would give up the world for our relationship to last, just as freinds or maybe attached like an arm or cast. but u seem untouchable, like being behind a door or a glass. my number one gold prize, a daily citing or maybe a glance in ur eyes, or maybe a deep stare, now im making up lies, but i would be the man for care, or if u need a shoulder for ur cries. but all of a sudden i realized that i dont even know you! weve never been aquainted! and wenever i see you, you just walk on by,,,,,,,walk on by,,,,,, walk on by.