matt

abandonment, absentee landlords, acid rain, airline food, anal rape, and paranoiaaaaaa!, bad drugs, bad luck, bank failure, bathtub accidents, beef cake worm, birth defects, body lice, breach of contract, broken glass, broken promises, bubonic plague, calcium deficiency, carbon deposits, card sharks, cattle stampedes, cereal weevils, chain reaction, charlatans, chemical spills, cluster headaches, continental drift, corporal punishment, defunkt priest, discrimination, disgruntled employees, dry rot, dutch elm disease, entropy, escaped maniacs, eternal damnation, evil neighbors, evil spirits, failure of will, faithless friends, falling rocks, false advertising, family scandals, faulty merchandise, financial ruin, flash floods, friction, global warming, gridlock, hotel fires, ill fitting shoes, intestinal bleeding, jealous co-workers, killer bees, killer frosts, labor violence, locusts, loss of equilibrium, loss of face, loss of privileges, lou gehrig’s disease, lynching, mail fraud, mental fatigue, mildew, moral decay, mutual assured destruction, neo-nazis, nine mile fever, nuclear accidents, nuclear winter, obscene phone calls, organ rejection, paper cuts, parasites, peer pressure, poisoned meat, poor workmanship, price fixing, prickly heat, prowlers, public ridicule, quicksand, rabies, race riots, rampaging moose, random violence, religious fanatics, rogue elephants, root canals, runaway trains, shipwrecks, snake bite, sneak attacks, social isolation, soil erosion, solitary confinement, stink bombs, stray bullets, structural defects, sunburn, sunspots, taxation without representation, terrorism, the greenhouse effect, the wrath of god, threatening letters, torture, toxic waste, transverse mellitus, ungrateful children, unstable dynamite, unworthiness, vigilantes, voodoo curses, wax buildup, wayward girls, white slavery, wide-spread chaos, wrongful cremation.