About Me
Sometimes I wear diapers. My mother is a cloistered nun. I think I may be an alcoholic...not sure. I once had a blood disorder and almost died. I order my steaks "as rare as legally possible". My favorite restaurant is Wendy's. My favorite meal is the Spicy Chicken Combo (no. 6), BIGGIE sized with an iced tea and lemon. When I was in high school I lived in a trailer (mobile home). I have a butt fetish. My cat's name is BOOGNISH, but we call her Booger or Boogsie. My nipples are always erect. My real name is Michel (yes, like the girl's name). I once passed out in a German brothel with my face on the toilet seat. I am disturbingly obsessed with Star Wars. George Lucas and I have the same birthday. I've never "experimented" with a man...although I have kissed Ricky Boy on the lips once...SBRAM! When I was in the eight grade I got my foot caught in a conveyor belt and almost lost my little toe. The size of my penis is of no concern to you... but the ladies have never complained. Pabst Blue Ribbon is my beer of choice. In college I ate an eighth of shrooms and saw dead babies and an Indian Chief in room. I am allergic to codeine. I had food poisoning when I was six...I shit and puked all over myself for three days. I enjoy pornography. In my dreams I can hover and breathe under water. I got bit by a dog once while watering flowers. At one point in my life Duran Duran was my favorite goup, "Hungry Like the Wolf" was my jam. When I was in third grade a grown man whistled to me from his bedroom window. When I looked up, he was masturbating...I didn't know what he was doing. I prefer to shoot first, and ask questions later. That last one was a lie. I've only shot a real gun once, and I didn't ask any questions before or after I pulled the trigger. I have a fear of midgets and retards. I hope I never meet a retarded midget. Lately, I've had this feeling of impending doom. I think I will probably die of a heart-attack at a rather early age. When I'm tired, I get wood... wood meaning an erection. Why would I go buy wood if I was tired? That would be stupid because I don't have a wood stove and I'm not very good at building furniture. Well, that may not be true. I've never tried to build furniture. When I was five my cousin asked me if I wanted to play bible. He tied me to a 10 foot cross and leaned me up against the garage for twenty minutes. Sometimes I fart in my hand and smell it. I often wonder if Nair will give me chemical irritations on my scrotum. There is only one way to find out. I'm always scratching my nuts. Not because they itch, or I have a disease. I scratch because it feels good. I've been getting lots of disturbing porn emails lately. Mostly fathers raping and beating their daughters. I like my porn simple and old fashioned: Two girls, one guy, and a female ejaculation. SQUIRT! I've never had a job where I make more than 12 dollars an hour. I need a vacation. I've never been to Vegas. I've been having chest pains and shortness of breath lately. I now have a job that pays me more than 12 dollars an hour and I recently went to Vegas. I've been having anxiety attacks on a regular basis for a couple of weeks. I feel really shitty. I feel much better now. My toilet doesn't flush properly. I wish I had a Fortress of Solitude. Maybe I should rent a studio space. I think I have gum disease. I realized that I mentioned my cat BOOGNISH earlier and not once mentioned my other cat. His name is Craig T. Nelson. We had his balls removed a week ago. Speaking of balls, I think I'm finally going to find out if Nair will give me chemical irritations on my scrotum. I'll let you know after this weekend. I hate the general public, but I love you. My favorite pizza is The Nor'Easter from Portland Pie: No red sauce, Bleu cheese dressing and Mozzarella, boneless Buffalo chicken smothered in Frank's Hot Sauce and woven in a melted 3 cheese blend. There's a side of cool celery to sprinkle on top. I'm going to get a slice right now. I'm hung-over right now. If I were a super hero, my super power would be projectile vomiting. Not like super vomit that can blast through walls. I would just have the ability to projectile vomit whenever I wanted to. Old people really anger me. I pissed in my pants once in first grade. The teacher saw the puddle on the floor and thought there was a leak in the ceiling. I probably should have left that one out. Still haven't tried the Nair thing yet. I keep forgetting. I am really bad at this MySpace thing. I hardly update it and I never respond to anyone. I'll try to do better. Let's get caught up a little... I am single. I recently moved out of The Lodge and into The Hive. Craig T. Nelson is living with his mother, Boogsie is with me. I started my full sleeve tattoo. It's a Mustafar scene with the Emperor's face emerging from the rock and a giant Vader coming out of the smoke and fire. It's awesome, although I fear it is a pussy repellant. I fear for my mental stability sometimes. I hate people who think they are Graphic Designers just because they have Photoshop. Fuck you. I hear MySpace is a great way to meet sluts. Not that I'm interested in that sort of thing. I have to go now... I promise to return soon.
