About Me
I was born on August 30, 1893 in Winnfield, Winn Parish, Louisiana, a rural community in the north-central part of the state. I was an excellent student, but had to give up a scholarship to LSU because I couldn't afford the textbooks. Instead, I spent a few years as a traveling salesman, selling books, canned goods, and patent medicines to as many folks as I could. In 1913, I married my wife, Rose McConnell, with whom I evenbtually had a daughter, also named Rose, and two sons, Russell (became a Senator just like his daddy!) and Palmer. I briefly attended Tulane University Law School in New Orleans, but found it so easy that I convinced a board to let me take the bar exam after only a year at Tulane. As expected, I passed with flying colors and started a private practice in Winnfield and later Shreveport, where I represented common folk against large businesses, including those thieves from Standard Oil. I was first elected to office as chairman of the Louisiana Railroad Commission in 1918 at age 25. In 1928, I ran again for governor and won by the largest margin in Louisiana history. Thereafter, I worked to pry the silver spoons out of the big mouths of the rich and share their wealth with the people of the great state of Louisiana. I started a free textbook program for schoolchildren, night courses for adult literacy, and secured a supply of cheap natural gas for the city of New Orleans. I also began an unprecedented building program of roads, bridges, hospitals (like Charity Hospital, until those baffoons in Baton Rouge decided to close it down), and educational institutions. Those wealthy sons-a-bitches tried to get me impeached in 1928 - unsuccessfully, I might add - and I then took the gloves off in my dealings with them. As I said at the time, "I used to get things done by saying please, but now I dynamite them out of my path." I went on to be elected to the U.S. Senate in 1930 while keeping "an eye" on things back home in Louisiana. I continued to work for the poor and downtrodden while all sorts of scoundrels - lackeys of the rich - tried to portray me as corrupt, a dictator, and every other slanderous thing they could think up. They called me the "Dictator of Louisiana." God forbid that government works for the people instead of the immoral, unjust oligarchy of the rich! Then, on September 8th 1935, as I was gearing up for my campaign for president, I was shot in the gut by a fella by the name of Dr. Carl Weiss in the Capitol building (which I built, f-ck you very much) in Baton Rouge. Much to the detriment of the citizens of Louisiana, I died two days later, on September 10th, 1935.
