After wooing MySpace golden girl Katie Skilling, infamous Bristol lothario Hugh Stacey set about assembling a troupe of hip young gunslingers to provide the meat for his pudding. As a charismatic band leader, and grand master of fellatio, it took only the shortest of searches until pics and sticks were bequeathed to fellow Bristolians Paul Gibbs and James. E. Davey. Former ITV World of Wrestling valet Davey was to be charged with performing a rant in E minor, while Gibbs, professional nativity scene model, was to play....well, everything else. Originally conceived over a friendly game of Parcheesi with his imaginary friend Andrew Nowitzki Walburton III, Hughs dream was now realised, Bugg Superstar was born.
Question marks, however, remain over the longevity of the group. Having been 24 years old for the last 3 years, a feat the rest of the group seem unlikely to be able to match, Hugh will inevitably have to disband the group and find new collaborators once his band mates begin to show signs of succumbing to old age.
New, as yet unconfirmed, evidence does in fact suggest that Hugh has been 24 years old for closer to 3000 years. Compelling documents seem to show a figure with a striking resemblance to Hugh appearing throughout history, often taking an active role in some of historys most significant events.
In 2003, a Jewish worm herder found, underneath his grandmothers nose, what appeared to be an extra page from the book of Moses. According to the document, after Moses had read the list of ten commandments translated through him from God, an odious figure, known to locals as "Hughman", descended mount Sinai behind Moses carrying a post-it note detailing an extra five commandments.
These included, 1- thou shall not pay by cheque, 2- thou shall not teach old dogs new tricks, 3- thou shall not write along the lines, 4- thou shall not fornicate, but "fornibication" must occur at least twice a week, 5- thou shall eat lunch at least 3 times a day.
Some scholars have challenged the validity of these documents.
Just last year, a one eyed cuckoo clock maker from Switzerland challenged the recognised translation of the Latin "veni, vidi, vici". The accepted translation of the famous phrase, used by Julius Caesar in 47bc while addressing the Roman senate describing his recent victory in the battle of Zela, has come under attack by a new school of thought originating in Switzerland which claims the more accurate translation is, as opposed to "I came, I saw, I conquered", "two words; old dogs new tricks". Along with recently discovered Roman coins dating back to this time with the letter H (Hugh signs simply H) scribed next to the image of the emperor, this seems to suggest that somebody with a) the knowledge of the five new commandments and b) whose name begins with H, held a position of considerable power in Caesars court. Many Bristolians believe this to be Hugh Stacey.
Only this year, a cheese maker in Stratford stumbled upon a manuscript hidden inside a block of stilton that is believed to be the original draft of Shakespeares Hamlet. Remarkably, the entire play seems to have been written without any regard for keeping to the lines of the paper. Almost indecipherable, words are scribbled all over the pages in every direction (in a Hugh-esq. Manner). There is also a conspicuous H marked on the bottom left hand corner of the final page. Coincidence? You decide.
These are just a few examples.
Regardless of Hughs history, one thing we know for sure, is that in Bugg Superstar Hugh Stacey has brought together a group of musicians, for the short term at least, that are destined to achieve great success.
Enjoy.
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