At night, I dream about being other people, and it's always a nightmare. Their lives suck compared to mine. I piss champagne, shit diamonds, and wipe my ass with $100 bills. Gorgeous women hand feed me. I'm right handed...and left handed. When i go to concerts the bands play better when they see me there. Dolphins appear whenever I go swimming. When I give a woman flowers, they never die....unless she cheats on me. When i go shopping Nintendo Wii's are always in stock. When I drive to work, all the lights are green, I go a steady 100 mph over the speed limit, cops block traffic for me, and I park right next to the front door of my building. When I walk in, everyone applauds. They love me. I hop on my Segway and steer it to the elevator. On the way there, I'm bombarded with love letters from women. I take the elevator up to the top floor, of which the entirety is my office. I immediately fire fifteen people. When I sit down and check my stocks, I see they've all gone up by hundreds of points. I take a 3 hour lunch break with my good friend Jesus, and we chat about how awesome we are. Since I get paid 10 figures an hour, I usually pick up the tab and tip the waitress a solid three hundred thousand dollars.
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