Geez, what can I say. I'm married with 3 children aged between 19 - 13, two boys and a girl. I love music, computers, chatting to my friends, writing and chilling in bed on a cold winters night when the winds howling outside (although company while your 'cuddling up' makes it even more interesting).
Musical tastes range from Rock, Punk, Emo, Metal, Thrash Metal, Pop, some Country Music etc etc etc.
I used to sew/design but no longer, thanks to a lovely elbow fracture (techincal description: Capitellum of the Humerus with Comminuted Fracture of the Lateral Distal Condule - yup, I broke the Humerus just to be different)in May 2004 which, 18 months on, is still being treated by the hospital and is awaiting more surgery. Bloody thing.
*edit* 2006 follow up surgery, physio and no change. Finally chucked out of fracture clinic. YAY!
I have quite an eye for detail - and used to do the occasional jigsaw puzzle (yeah, lame I know) - now prefer to do written puzzles like logic puzzles and Soduko...or at least I do when I can kick my brain into gear. Have started making my own jewellery from silver and gem beads (hematite, carnelian, etc) - my latest hobby/passion. Also love writing - and have spent many an hour infront of the computer/sitting with a notebook (& pen - kind of useful if you actually want to WRITE anything).
Have put myself through several evening college courses over the past 4 or 5 years and now hold RSA III qualification in typing, word processing, databases, spreadsheets etc.
My personality? Complex I think sums me up best. Yep - complex. Can be hyper one minute and really low the next. Take things to heart but won't let people see they have upset me. Umm, am usually there to see my friends through their crisis, then, if it affects me, will deal with it in on my own once I know they are okay.
Quiet most of the time, will usually listen and speak when asked...unless there's a drink or two on board of course...not that I drink a lot (honestly).
Trendy? No...but not out of date either. Fav clothes, long black skirts (or occasionally jeans) and black sleeveless vests (well, no point having the tattoos if you're going to cover them up);Hematite jewellery (made by moi - my latest hobby).
I think if I was a teenager today I'd probably be labelled (and I hate sodding labels) as a goth/punk, mainly because cos I value individuality and hate 'going with the crowd'. Also can't understand why everyone has to be pigeon holed...can't we just be ourselves without being stuck into some kind of bloody category?
Question:- Is this who I would have been as a teenager if I hadn't kind of missed all my teenage years thanks to my darling dad? Answer:- Probably, because it feels...right.
I recently got my first two tattoos at the age of 42. One on the top of each arm which are celtic and tribal in origin. Somehow I don't think they'll be my last. Have also now pierced my ears 7 times using a hollow needle and bellbars (3 in each lobe, one in the top of the ear). I refuse to be labelled as middle aged. I am me. I've spent too much time - painful time - over the past few years finding who I would have been if I hadn't been screwed (literally) as a kid. So if you don't like me, sod off.
Your Personality Is
Idealist (NF)
You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.
You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.
You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.
Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings.
You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.
Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.
In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily.
At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.
With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone.
As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.
On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours. The Three Question Personality Test
Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence
You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.
An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.
You are also good at remembering information and convincing someone of your point of view.
A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.
You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.
What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?
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This is kind of strong - but I sure as hell felt better after writing it
I Hate…
I hate you for ruining my life at the tender age of 9.
I hate you for telling me it was what all Daddies do with their little girls.
I hate you for saying you thought I enjoyed it when I finally asked you to stop.
I hate you for not stopping the bullies when they would punch & kick me, or push me down the stairs.
I hate you for saying it was my fault when I developed an eating disorder at 13.
I hate you for saying you’d kick me out and have me adopted if I didn’t stop acting that way.
I hate you for telling me I was to blame for my counsellor saying it was your fault I was ill.
I hate you for the way I couldn't say why I was ill – because I had to keep the family together – not you.
I hate you for taking away my childhood and my confidence.
I hate you for not doing anything when I asked for help.
I hate you for not making my grandfather stop when I told you what he was doing and saying.
I hate you for making me feel everything was my fault.
I hate you for the way I always had to be on my guard around you.
I hate you for making me feel there was something wrong with me if two men from my family had abused me.
I hate you for never being there for me when I got married and had a family.
I hate you for the way you ruled the house and no one could ever argue with you.
I hate you for never talking.
I hate you for sitting there and saying you didn’t understand how someone could abuse their child.
I hate you for picking me and not my little sister.
I hate you for making the whole of my life a lie.
I hate you for being the reason I cracked at 38.
I hate you for being the reason I tried to kill myself.
I hate you for making me feel so worthless I still don’t understand how anyone could like me, let alone love me.
I hate you for not dying when we were told you wouldn’t survive the weekend 5 years ago.
I hate you for forcing me to go and seek help - simply by being alive.
I hate you for breaking my mother’s heart when you confessed to her 3 years ago.
I hate you for being so sick she didn’t feel able to leave you.
I hate you for making her feel it was somehow her fault that you abused me.
I hate you for ruining ALL our lives.
I hate you for making me feel uncomfortable in what used to be my home.
I hate you for twisting things every time we talk, for making yourself seem so pitiful.
I hate you for playing the ‘I’m dying’ card every time I want to get angry with you.
I hate you for constantly seeking reassurance that you won’t go to hell when you die.
I hate you for making me feel that I have to lie and say you won’t.
I hate you for making me put MY recovery on hold while you take your time dying.
I hate you for filling me with this festering hatred.
I hate you for existing.
I hate you for being my Dad.
I HATE YOU – but guess what? I no longer hate me…
REGRETS
Happy childhood memories
Carefree, fun filled childhood days
Stolen, taken away from me
Lost because YOU had to ‘play’
My life since then has been on hold
I’ve lived it all, a lie
I look back now and am amazed
Amazed I’ve even tried
No tears to cry, can’t bring it back
The time you took from me
I grew up suddenly, over night
And lost the real me
My confidence can’t escape its jail
My spark forever? Gone
My energy’s nonexistent
All taken by THAT wrong
I bluff my way through, day to day
Too scared to let them see
Afraid to open up in case they find
The sad and lonely, inner me
Who Am I? I ask my self
Each & Every day
Will I like the ‘real’ me more
Than the person I am today?
The person sitting here in the cold
Trying hard to accept their lot
Daughter, sister, wife & mother
I SHOULD BE HAPPY with my lot
I see my kids all growing
Happy, confident & proud
Where was my time to be like that?
I want to scream the words out loud
My time to laugh, to run & play
To explore and time to grow
The things I knew when I was 9
No 9 year old should know
That’s why I’m sitting here at 4am
Writing verse & drinking tea
I’m trying hard to find some one
To find the real me
WHOEVER SHE IS
A STATE OF MIND
Head Spinning
Skin Burning
Blood Rushing
Stomach Churning
Lungs Gasping
Body Shaking
Arms Hugging
Hands Clinging
Heart Pounding
Breath Hitching
Chest Tightning
Eyes Closing
Tears Flowing
Sobs Breaking
Teeth Biting
Lips Bleeding
Sweat Drenching
Nerves Cracking,
Senses Fleeing
Tension Coiling
Loneliness Stifling
Silence Drowning
Reality Blurring
Pain Surrounding
Panic.
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