About Me
Well, it all started on a midwestern farm in Ohio in 19 and 13. I was in love with a milk cow named Marigold, and life was grand until the farmer found out and forbade our taboo love. I was forced to leave the farm, and I never saw Marigold again. So I wandered the Earth for a better part of a decade, and of all the places I travelled to, none could compare to the bright lights of Bridge Street in Brighton, CO. So I setup shop there as a blacksmith and enrolled in the local high school. I was quite the devil with the ladies in High School and "dated" most every girl twice and a couple confused football players on drunken evenings full of magic. I graduated from Brighton High School with a 4.3 GPA and was Valedictorian AND Salutatorian. (I pushed out Laura Suazo and Derek Applewhite for the honors, and because of the pain and stress that was caused, they challenged eachother to an Ultimate Fighting Match, in which Laura suffered a deviated septum and Derek came away with Post Tramadic Stress Disorder). ANYHOO, I digress. After High School, I was mayor of B-Town for a very short time, whilst the real mayor had to go home and take a poop one day. (He had a weird thing about public bathrooms).After the mayoral experience, I felt as if there was nothing left to accomplish in Brighton, except for inpregnate several Latina women and work at Billie's... Oh, wait, I've done that too.From there I went up to the Fort (as we call it) or Fort Fun (as we also call it) or Fort Collins (as Officer Brian Mallory calls it) and met my beautiful wife Tara there. It's a beautiful story on how we met... Picture it, Fort Collins, 2001. It was a beautiful day on the quad. We had plans to go streaking through the quad but those plans were squeltched by a cold spell and a scared turtle-like pee pee wanting to hide. At any rate, I saw this beautiful girl from accross the campus. She had long, flowing black hair, hairy legs and pits, and a nice Bohemian Musk about her. She was trying to get people to join Greenpeace. It was love at first sight. Not long after, we had two illegitimate children, and we live in an exclusive trailercourt just outside of town. "Ahh, dudn't get much better than this, eg Clark?"
