So you're forced to carry this half-hearted crooked smile. forced to run deep into the dark forest and not look back. forced to emit feelings of joy and ecstasy rejecting any true raw emotions. forced to hide behind an egg shell while they pelt you with stones. i say fuck it. i say take a stand. i say feel. forget the half hearted smile, and wear a full blown scowl. turn away from the forest and run straight into a meadow. emit a ray of feelings ranging from any spectrum. the time to hold your mask up high has passed. drop the egg shell you hide behind, pick up a log and fight back. you can only do other peoples biddings for so long before you are forced to look into a mirror and look for yourself. "it can only rain so much on a person before they get wet." removed the shades that cloud your eyes and the door that shuts out your mind. release your yearning soul from the empty shell you have become and let it live. learn tat your body is solely a vehicle for your mind's whims. remember that no matter how far you look ahead you must still stand in the present. remember that the present makes you who you are and who you will become should come later. open your eyes and prepare yourself to be consumed by the truth you have hidden all along. if you're not doing what is making you happy, then you shouldn't be doing anything at all.What do you do when words seem to stop carrying weight? I mean words are uttered, breath is wasted, oxygen consumed, sound produced, and yet the feeling is void. Its like your standing in the desert and drinking from an oasis but your thirst is insatiable. You get nothing out of it, and yet you keep doing it, hoping that maybe one gulp will break the mold and actually quench. The sad thing is the only words that do seem to get through are the ones that are repeated too many times, the ones that are elevated in volume and lacking thought. You keep hoping for something to happen, but not realizing your actions, or rather lack of actions, are futile. I seem to have walked into the circle i cant get out of. I keep looking for the exit and keep finding a wall. I find a window but it wont open. Its showing me what i could have and all the while keeping me inside, it wont kill me, but it doesnt release me. So now im standing in a circular desert with an oasis that cant fulfill its purpose, a window showing me a place i wish i was. Alittle frustrating isnt it? You say you want me to show some spark, but you wont give me room to ignite. You say you want me to show some emotions, and yet you discredit them, you say you want me to do something all the while you just show up. There is so much to do and you wont take a step, so much to say and you wont speak. Ill smile until the walls come tumbling down, ill smile until its you who sees it as it is, ill spark until we get burned. Ill wait until the window opens. Ill float until you are ready to bring us down. The clouds are no place for your head. As much as you see the rainbow in the future you cant get rid of the rain now. And it can only rain so much on a man before he gets wet. Excuse me if i yell, pardon me if i dont cry, forgive me if my smile doesnt show up, but sometimes a withered smile can damage more than frown. You tell me to walk around smiling but you dont give me time to look down. You beg me for a laugh, but wont give me time to think. You ask me to play, but its never my game. We have gone through alot of scenes, and fell into many mazes, we have ran into many walls and broken may promises. We have shot down our words and feelings, shot down our needs and our wants. And the richochet keeps coming back to shoot us down. And we can only avert it for so long. So i propose this, if you want a spark, give me time, give me room and ill give you a flame. If you want a smile give it time to grow, give it time to nurture itself and ill give you your smile. You want a laugh, let it come from me, from my soul where it is suppose to come from and not my stomach. You want me forever, but forever doesnt have to start today. You want me forever, but forever doesnt mean all the time. You want me forever, and i concede. You want now, and i must look away, because the now has to be mine. The then will be yours. I left a circle back home and ran into a meadow, only to find it would lead me back to a circle. Give me time to find my meadow, give me time to run in it, to lay in it, to take in the sun, watch the blue sky, the white clouds, the majestic birds who dont sing for me anymore. Give me time to get that back, to live in that meadow, and ill smile. ill laugh. ill cry. ill die by yourside.
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