About Me
Now, it's quite hard to write about myself - and very easy at the same time. Both for the same reason, that is: my subjectiveness, egocentricity, even arrogance. Call this what you wish, what serves you better, my dear reader.
First of all - I'm difficult to communicate / get on with, so be warned. Days of silence, moments of excessive talkativeness, alternately. I'm moody and choleric, or detached and listless, and there's nothing that can be done about it, really. Incoherence? Indecisiveness? Sure, after all, what's wrong with them? I won't change my attitude because of someone asking me to do so / trying to make me do so. Unless you want to win my eternal hostility - then please do, your stupidity is your problem.
Time for something relatively nicer, eh? I have an unusual perception of what you probably call aesthetics (again, how the words can affect the meaning!). Let me explain. You'll often find me saying, out of the blue, that I think those trees are beautiful; that I think the patterns of clouds form shape of perfect symmetry; that the reflections of light in the glass of bottles on my night table are particularly interesting. More, I'll tend to re-arrange the bottles in search for an Absolute Perfection. And, consequently, I'll take random photos of random objects, of nature, trees, stones, leaves, mist, water. I'll write random expressions on my forearm because I find them worth being written down. I'll draw/paint in the middle of the night without even noticing what the time is. Hah.
If you care about myself, which is rather doubtful by the way, you'll often notice I seem to be somewhat absent - and you'll be right, Mr Watson, because I'm not listening when you're speaking to me, even if I'm nodding my head. Of course it's not insanity per se, neither is it self-conceit or any other pseudo-sophisticated term you may want to use. I'm just perceiving only what I feel I need to perceive, and not everything any random fucker wishes to inform me about. The point is: not everybody will be given my time, but if they will, they'll obtain it fully and entirely.
Well, yes, I find it neither pleasant nor easy to interact with "the world" or "people", or even "society" properly. "The world" is somewhere else, not here by my side. I'm floating between worlds, from one dream to another. Playing God and being God of my worlds and myself, for there's no other God above me here. Creating worlds, sub-worlds and images, governing, destroying, altering, abandoning. Having a try and leaving. Yes, give me a finger and I'll take your hand; give me a hand and I'll take it all, exploit and throw away, never giving anything in return.
Unless, instead of eternal hostility you win my eternal loyalty. I treat people in a sort of binary code way. There are only ones and zeros, life or death. You're correct, my beloved zeros, I'm a non-socialising, solitary, foul-mouthed bitch, and no, you'll never even catch a glance of the life-and-death border in one of my worlds. Act with a gay poise, be a hypocritical, pathetic histrionic, traitor and liar and you'll be on your best way to the universe of zeros. Vermin Ground sounds fun, I guess? ;)
Now, what is it that I value, one might ask. Suffice to say, that honesty, naturality, reliability, imagination, open-mindedness and all the similar genuine qualities will make me keep the promises I make to you, and will make me show you my most personal artwork. And I'll be honest with you as long as you're honest with me. Provided that you can stand my constant swearing, swings of mood, introvertiveness, obscene jokes, inclinations towards 3-hr discussions about life&death&football, love towards red Campari and Wyborowa, liters of coffee drunk every day, hatred towards garlic and cigarette smoke... We'll be able to communicate then, hopefully. Pretty easy, eh? :)
Ah well, after this short "How To Win K's Heart In 10 Minutes" lets go back to "How To Make K Stab A Knife In Your Open Mouth" again. Haha. Here, have a list:
-Speak bullshit about how awesome you are while you're not.
-Try to be funny while you're only miserable, pathetic and gay. (read this point twice if you tend to find my sense of humour "offensive")
-Keep saying "Oh yes, I know whay you suffer so much" (I don't"suffer", and even if i did, I wouldn't admit this to 99,99% of humanity)
-Try to limit me and my actions. (it's ME who defines the borders, or lack of them, not you)
-Speak to me once a decade and even then ask me to do you a favour. If you want me to help you in maths or some other shit - don't even dare, because I simply dislike maths. You better call a tourist information/police/emergency/sex telephone/zoo/whatever. Not me. Experience isn't for sale. I'll only share it with whom I want to, not with random fuckers who dont even know my name but want "advise" on football bets. Die, leeches!
I'm not "ambitious" or a "high-achiever" in a way it's usually understood. Yes, I'm doing a Uni course, and, indeed, I'm rather good at it (hahah, from time to time now to be honest!) - still, I'll know only the stuff I'm interested in (and I mean "really know") and not what I'm supposed/made to be interested in. Call me lazy now, you poor docile sheep, and go back to your safe thoughtlessness. Tough! ;)
Why ask for answers, while Nature brings them with Storms.
ATTENTION!! Strongly recommended to all those who want to bet on football! Instead of asking me, listen to these guys! ;)
http://www.thefootytipster.com/
"Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows."
"Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone."
"A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep."
"Be what you would seem to be - or, if you'd like it put more simply - never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise." Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."
"Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead. We must therefore accept it without complaint when they sometimes collide with a bit of reality against which they are dashed to pieces."
"Those who have compared our life to a dream were right.... We sleeping wake, and waking sleep."
"Co jest dobre? - Wszystko, co uczucie mocy, wole mocy, moc sama w czlowieku podnosi.
Co jest zle? - Wszystko, co ze slabosci pochodzi.
(...)
Slabi i nieudani niech sczezna: pierwsza zasada naszej milosci dla ludzi. I pomóc nalezy im jeszcze do tego. "
- F. Nietzsche
