Dave

Ah, about myself. Where to begin... I like short walks on the beach, though they tend to work up my asthma. I usually keep to my self and spill my guilt aggressively like an embarrassed chimp, but I'm usually pretty social for an hour or two after that. Then I tend to do it again. Anyway, let's talk any maybe we can have poorly choreographed sex while we watch my Ashton Kutcher DVD collection, then travel to Wal-Mart to study the morbidly obese population, it's habitat, and social intricacies. As for interests, I love to correct grammar mistakes in teen chat rooms. I also spend my time by chewing on pink-colored cardboard, writing Koran verses on bathroom stalls from left to right, collecting "aroused" animal crackers, reading Harlequin romances, helping my grandmother dress up as an 18th century French whore (seriously), concocting eulogies for expired vagrants, and eating myself into a painful stupor. My job consists of helping underage children overcome their sexual apprehensions in a faux-social work environment. I also give generously to the American Know-Nothing Party, "ridding our country of undesirables, one day at a time." I like to serve my country fried eggs. When it comes to the ladies, I hold nothing back, especially when engorged. I look for lots of things in a woman, but mainly my seed. My ideal woman/servant would have to put up with my unique quirks, such as screaming loudly when I'm nervous, kicking occupied strollers, cracking corn and not caring that I do, picking scabs in-between my toes, and spitting on cats just to see their curious but ultimately annoyed/disgusted reaction. It is required that my ideal woman be stacked and mute. When in the throes of passion I like to pretend that I'm Wilt the Stilt and she is Julia "Horse-face" Roberts in Pretty Woman. In closing I'd like to say that while I'm no Marky Mark, I do have Cabernet-colored splotches on my back that resemble the Funky Bunch, except Melvin, the non-funky member. I was born a gifted child. Even at 6 years of age I solved the mysteries of space-time and banged Carmen Electra when she was in high school. My sexual prowess is almost as incredible as my humility and grace. So, thank you, I would be delighted to make you my A: hot wife with unquestioning obedience and sexual zeal or B: one-night tramp who will not mind my allergies to most types of human hair while we have bad ethnic food and both go home unsatisfied from the dank, faintly Fruity Pebbles-smelling, pay-by-hour hotel. MSN me Yakineko22, AIM me FriedCat22 if you're curious.