ORTEGON

If you are thinking it. I am saying it. I am a little bit annoying, and if you listen to me long enough, you might feel like you want to punch the stupid permagrin off my face. I enjoy assaulting people with random "facts" that I make up to sound intelligent. These facts have nothing to do with anything at all, but they make me feel important, even if they are stolen from the Discovery channel or completely fabricated. I often repeat myself in an ill fated attempt to sound informed, but mostly I am distracted by thoughts of Wendy's bacon cheeseburgers and I have simply forgot what I was talking about. I laugh all of the time, mostly at nothing, in a weird, cackling sort of way that makes other people uncomfortable and a little bit creeped out. I suffer from a modified form of narcolepsy and sleep apneia; I have lost the ability to breath out of my nose and I am what most people consider a "heavy breather." I like wandering around aimlessly and pretending to have purpose, but in actuality I prefer to take four hour long naps and shop for expensive cars online. I enjoy being naked but like to keep my socks on; sometimes I sleep with nothing but my sneakers on. I pretend to like to exercise, but really I just tell people that so they think my man boobies are muscle and not excess breast fat. I am from the land of Colombia so I speak mostly in Spanglish---conversations with me are always an exercise in patience! When I die I want heaven to smell and taste like a peanut butter & jelly sandwich - on wheat.