SirRogaineGoat - ProfilesArchive

About Me

There are legends, and then there is ROGAINEGOAT. Over the course of his life, R.G. has been a Senator, a Religious Icon, a Monk, a Famous Singer, a Delicious Side-Dish, a University President, an Airline Pilot and a massive Drug Addict. He is responsible for many of the conveniences you all take for granted today, most notably the "Wall-Mounted Bottle Opener"-And he ghost wrote some of the most popular songs of the 20th Century, including "Hey Jude" and "Bye Bye Bye". At the age of 3, he became the youngest goat to graduate from the prestigious Wally Cox school of Law. He single-handedly tharted an attempt to kidnap Mayim Bialik, TV's "Blossom". In addition to all of this, he won several Hot Dog eating contests and was instrumental in the developement of the "Adam Bomb"-a device designed to destroy former "Batman" actor Adam West while sparing all surrounding buildings and people. He led the University of Oklahoma to seven consecutive NCAA titles. He was totally drunk last Thursday. Amazingly, while accomplishing all of this he also managed to bite several musicians outside of the Grammy Awards ceremony last year, sending Bono and James Hetfield to the hospital. He does have a bald spot, which he is totally not self conscious about. Others wear hats to cover them, but not R.G.-In a recent interview with "LIFE" magazine, he said: "Some of the other performers I played with at Live Aid, and then Live 8, were incredibly concerned with their lack of hair-A few even had massive temper tantrums when certain lights were hitting their shiny heads in a fasion that they didn't like-Dave Gilmour and I just laughed and laughed." RogaineGoat is coming to a theater near you! Come early and often! Just clean it up afterwards.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Gretchen Wilson, The Keebler Elves, Flying Monkeys, Rip Taylor, Dolly, Stevie Nicks, Chris Rock, Sy Sperling, Triumph, Jerry Remy, Larry David. I'd Like to Bite: GWB, Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson, Gary Brolsma, Hulk Hogan, Ken Jennings, James Hetfield, you.

My Blog

Seven of Nine.

Hi! It's been a while. Truth is, I was undergoing an experimental hair-implantation procedure, when complications developed. Right as I was on the table, North Korea somehow managed to switch the syri...
Posted by on Sun, 12 Jul 2009 05:01:00 GMT

God Save The Queen Of Juice.

Get a ladder. Climb it. Grab a shovel. Dig a hole somewhere.Glue.Repair.Throw out all your old Triumph tapes.Pluck those nose hairs.You missed one.Paint that fence. It's fun.Delete cookies and temp fi...
Posted by on Tue, 20 Jan 2009 03:48:00 GMT

Christmas Music.

When I was a kid, my parents would sing me Chistmas songs. It's been a while, but I will try and recall some of them for your listening pleasure. "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the bells" "I'...
Posted by on Tue, 23 Dec 2008 03:52:00 GMT

NPR and STAR TREK.

For those of you who listen to NPR, here's a couple of observations. First, I don't listen to NPR that often. I usually get my news from three places-The local station (who do an excellent job), my re...
Posted by on Wed, 19 Nov 2008 11:39:00 GMT

One Step Forward, One Step Backward.

Congratulations, America. You elected Obama, the right man for the job. You shifted the balance of power in Congress further right. You legalized pot in Massachusetts. Some states kept abortion legal....
Posted by on Thu, 06 Nov 2008 11:29:00 GMT

Cats, Vomitus.

"To dream the impossible dream-To fight the unbeatable foe-To reach the unlickable toe-I am the Goat of Lamuncha" When cats throw up, why can't they just eat it like their superior friends, dogs? Ever...
Posted by on Thu, 23 Oct 2008 10:31:00 GMT

Sarah Palin is gay? Who knew!

Ok, for the last time-PEOPLE WHO ARE AFRAID OF GAY FOLKS ARE LATENT HOMOSEXUALS. Psychology 101. I'll use my brother-in-law as an example. He is one of the most outspoken gay-haters I've ever known. B...
Posted by on Tue, 21 Oct 2008 10:57:00 GMT

Eat me.

That's all. Just eat me. If you don't know if I mean you or not, then it's a good chance it's you I'm talking to. Fucking eat me. That's all. Tarot cards suck eggs. I love biscuts and gravy, but I cal...
Posted by on Tue, 02 Sep 2008 00:36:00 GMT

"Green" doesn’t always mean "Ethical"

BEWARE of CHELSEA GREEN PUBLISHING. Publishers of such books as "The End Of America", a bizarre leftist diatribe, and "Humanure", which is appropriate, this company disguises itself as progressive whe...
Posted by on Tue, 17 Jun 2008 13:22:00 GMT

Not Funny.

Hi. I am a goat, so you would expect that I don't have a particularly sophisticated sense of humor. However, I am no ordinary goat. I am genetically enhanced so that my brain functions at a level comp...
Posted by on Fri, 16 May 2008 09:41:00 GMT