Living. Learning. Loving.
"She did not sleep in the hours that were still left to her. She sat on the floor of her room, her face pressed to the bed, feeling nothing but the sense of his presence beyond the wall. At times, she felt as if he were before her, as if she were sitting at his feet. She spent her last night with him in this manner."
"You've never suffered, the eyes were saying with self rightous scorn -- while he remembered the sensation of proud chastity with which he had fought through those moments, refusing to surrender to pain, a sensation made of his love, of his loyalty of his knowledge that joy is the goal of existence, and joy is not to be stumbled upon, but to be achieved, and the act of treason is to let its vision drown in the swamp of the moment's torture. You've never suffered, the dead stare of the eyes was saying, you've never felt anything, because only to suffer is to feel -- there's no such thing as joy, there's only pain and the absence of pain; only pain and the zero, when one feels nothing -- I suffer, I'm twisted by suffering, I'm made of undiluted suffering, that's my purity, that's my virtue -- and yours, you the untwisted one, you the uncomplaining, yours is to relieve me of my pain -- cut your unsuffering body to patch up mine, cut your unfeeling soul to stop mine from feeling -- and we'll achieve the ultimate ideal, the triumph over life, the zero!"
"She's a writer. The kind of writer that would'nt be published outside. She believes that when one deals with words, one deals with the mind."
"Mine," he said. "Have you let them beat you into forgetting what that word means, what it feels like? You should give yourself a chance to relearn it"
"How coud we be capable of forgetting the old myths that stand at the threshold of all mankind, myths of dragons transforming themselves at the last moment into princesses? Perhaps all dragons in our lives are really princesses just waiting to see us just once being beautiful and courageous. Perhaps everything fearful is basically helpessness that seeks our help."
Deftones (they who are the rhythm and the flow that has followed and guided my path, helped in sorrow and breathed for me when I could not. "walk into this world with your head up high"). Sigur Ros (Love). HWM ("lead your heart and never follow". Robert Shaw (the only reason I would ever believe in God). Mew (because they make even nightmares beautiful). Sia (to help you understand its okay to be human). Radiohead (Because they don't care. And never will). Citizen Cope (for helping me understand more, everyday, my ruin). Guns N' Roses (like the first time you ever get drunk and throw up with friends). Chambao (the flow of life). Ojos de Brujo (Barcelona - smell, street, life, movement, soul -- personified. The Editors (Fathomless). Tool (um....yeah...). Tiesto. Black Keys (thanks Jeff). Rage. Cope. Beck. Pearl Jam (for those times when you need to turn to someone but find yourself alone)
"I can see now, I never really commited to Laura. I always had one foot out the door. And that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and...I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing....keep my options open....and that's suicide...by tiny, tiny increments."
Kill it.
Rand. Hoeg. Auster. Hemingway. Rice. Rawling. Thompson.
R.