*Fallen*One*[SI] [Lost in a Labrynth of deceit] profile picture

*Fallen*One*[SI] [Lost in a Labrynth of deceit]

Breathing is not supposed to be an effort!

About Me

~~~FALLEN ONE~~~
Get your own countdown at BlingyBlob.com
**Are You Even Listening?**
Feeling like I can't forgive,
but I want to
it's like I don't know how to live,
I’m afraid to
I used to think take them as they come,
without hesitations,
no
now it's like my head is filled with lies,
and persuasions
as the sun begins to fall
I hear her calling out to me
she's sayin' hurry it's one more day gone
what I wouldn't give just to forget
so I can remember how to live again
I wanna live again
I am feeling dissonant,
and distracted
the toxic chemicals are spilling in my head
and they're bleeding deadly reactions
and as the moon begins to rise he shows me
all the colors that I’m hiding
I’m hiding myself
what I wouldn't give just to forget
what I wouldn't give to get some rest
so I can remember how to live again
I wanna live again
Am I desperately losing this fight???
When I should really be choosing
my flight...
take me now
what I wouldn't give just to forget
what I wouldn't give to get some rest
so I can remember how to live again
I wanna live again
You Followed me through Hell.. to SHow me where my heart belongs...
Don't say you love me... unless its your dying breath!!
*~This is Who I AM~*
Im a mother.. a friend.. a lover..
Im an Ex, Im a dream,
Im a liar who knows shame..
Im a cheater who knows the meaning of poor judgement..
Im a sinner who wants to make it to heaven..
Im a muse.. A fallen Angel who forgot her way home..
I am strong in my moments of weakness..
I am weak in my moments of strength..
I cant see the future and i try to forget the past.
Ive been abandoned.. Ive been found..
I have been rejected and accepted.
I have wished for death.. I have wished for one more
breath.
I have Loved so deeply that my heart has shattered in his
absence..
I have loved so casually that i spent more time wondering
why I can't fall again..
I have hurt myself.. I have healed myself..
I have made mistakes that i can never take away..
I have hurt people that I never wanted to hurt..
I am selfish and yet so giving..
I want to change the world.. I forget about changing
myself.
I have very few close friends.. and yet I would do
anything for a complete stranger..
I am a hypocrite..
I have done things that have turned me into my worst
enemy..
I know shame.. I know pride.. I know regret.. they are
roomates to my soul.
I know the love of a child.. the love of a man.. and the
love of oneself..
I have dreams that i dont want to wake from..
I have nightmares that wake me crying..
I drool in my sleep when im really tired..yeah.. i know
cool huh?
I have a broken heart.. but i will smile when the
opportunity arises.
I have an addiction. (or a few) but could it be so wrong
afterall?
I know what it feels like to want your life to end..
I know what it is like to wake up each morning to wrap
yourself around
the man you love and be thankful you have him..
i know what it feels like to be abandoned by the one man
you loved more than yourself..
I know what its like to hurt someone that you loved..
I have been a fool.. I have been afraid..
I have been broken and put myself back together..
I have fallen and taught myself how to stand again..
I have danced in the rain.. I have laughed through my
tears..
I have cried after making love..
I know desire. I know lust.
I know what it feels like to want something you cannot
have..
I know what it feels like to have had something you can No
longer have..
I know what it feels like to die.. I know what it feels
like to be brought back to life..
I have known Hate.. I have known deception.
I can understand the things that confuse others,
and yet I am confused about understanding myself.
I have been inconsiderate.
I have been a dissappointment..
I think differently, and sometimes i wish I couldnt think
at all.
I have asked for forgiveness.
I have been shallow..hiding the depth of my soul.
I have carried tears within my eyes every time I see a
baby born..
I have given birth and i know the worst pain in the world..
and how quickly you forget it when you hold your child for
the first time.
I believe in love at first sight.
I dont believe in perfection.. I do believe in compromise..
I believe any relationship needs balance and effort..
I am strong alone.. but stronger with love in my life.
I am co-dependant and independant.
I will never give up who I am to make someone happy.
I will not abandon myself to save another.
I have fears I cannot leave behind.
I have been alone in a room full of people.
I have been so alive.. alone with my lover.
I have made promises I couldnt keep.
I know what it is like to make love to someone and never
want them to be outside you again..
To make love to someone and feel your bodies become one..
your eyes meet and your souls dance..
I have held the hand of a stranger in need.
I have been helped by strangers.
I know what it feels like to think you cant go on..
I know what it feels like to kick yourself in the ass to
go on.
I know what it is to be depended on 24 hours a day by 3
children.
I know what it feels like to feel like you are failing
them.. letting them down.
I know what it is to give up comfort to take on the world
just
to make a better life for your children.
I have felt that i am not enough.. i have felt that i am
too much.
I am stubborn and yet indecisive.
I dont plan things very well.. but i always get where i am
going.. eventually!
I have driven into nowhere.. with no destination.
I have driven with a destination and never found what i
was looking for.
I bleed red.
I know what it is to be Human!!

myspace layouts
Hold my tears... as my breath Falls!!
I walk a fine line between sanity and truth. I am a soul searcher, out to find those who make me feel. Those who bring my emotions to life... I watch them dance before my eyes in the shadows of life. I sip the poison of your words, desperate to die in your arms.

I am passionate about love, soul, music. I live my life to a soundtrack of many songs. Binding my emotions in the moment. Never letting a memory fade away. I am passionate about understanding.

Understanding the meanings behind words, the emotions behind the tears, the fears behind the hesitation. I am a writer. Call it another passion, but i thrive within my own mind and flourish when I am able to describe my thoughts in words... I love the rain, the night, and crescent moons...
I'd hate to sound like I am listing my favorite things like in a high school slam book, but these 3 things are another source of emotion in my life... I live to feel. I am here to Be.
Eyes wide open.
This is where I have hidden all the good shit... Thoughts, emotions, fears of feeling, fears of falling, fears of picking myself up off the ground...
If you want to know REAL.. this is where you need to go...

CLIck here to Read my JOURNAL
*~My Passion.. My PoEtry~*
December 11th 2005
There is nothing left of you
I hear you
Calling out for me tonight
I am so interrupted
Dont know which way I am going
Cant remember where I have been
I am just running
Staring at the light in the distance
Let me go
Dont make this harder on us both
You killed me
You ripped my soul from my skin and pretended to be true
Go... there is no place for you here
You bled my heart and thrived from its essence
You walked with your head held high
My body lying shaken on the ground in your shadow
You never looked back for a moment
You never thought What Have I done?
Decisions were simple when you were the one in control
Life was beautiful when things went your way
And your way was the only way
My words were held like water in your paper heart
My love for you was a pretty little granule of sand
sitting in your palm
Easily thrown down to the ground and forgotten
Once I was your goddess, you my precious love
I am not fallen anymore love
You have no power here
God did Not take me that fateful night
as I begged for his mercy
He left me, silent he remained
He did not comfort and shield me from the
agony of being dead inside
He did not give me my dying breath as I wished
No words of comfort rang true to me
Nothing was left in my world without you
He let me hurt, he let me cry
He let me dance with the devil in the light of the moon
He left the memory of you deep within me love
And Now
Now I know why
You are the curse breathed of the foulest kind
You are death within life
Within YOU is nothing without another lifting you high
Within you is an emptiness suited for
the darkest of Gods creatures
You know not heaven or hell, only what is before you
YOU are broken with no where to turn
I see it in your eyes and like an angel of mercy I tried
to take you away from your pain
You will never be the crescent moon in my silent night
What an angry soul you hold inside
What a tangled web you weave, and I am no longer entangled
in it with you I am without you
And my name will ring that light of happiness you once knew
You will be the one left in the darkness of this world
You will be the one left with less than a spark of hope
Every night you will look upon yourself and wonder where
you went wrong
Every night you will fall asleep praying to not be awakened
God will not answer your prayers
Just as he did not answer mine that night
He has His plan, and he doesnt play by your rules
You will suffer through what you have created
No second chances, there is only one chance in this
lifetime
Either you take it or you dont
I have been chosen, one of the precious few
Everything is going according to plan
God did not forsake me, he embraced me
You were lead blindly out of my life
You, confused and swearing you will always love me,
Me, fighting to keep you in my arms
But see its not your fault
You know not what you do
You know not what you ran into, when You ran into me
You were to never receive what I am
Only to taste what an angel is
A fallen angel with a lonely human soul
I was not allowed to love until my eyes were truly opened
to my path
But I did. I gave you the purest love and I recall your
words
I cant believe someone loves me this much
If you were the one, youd have known
We are ALL loved THAT much
Jesus loves each and every one of us THAT much
If you were the one, youd have believed
And now, many moons after you, I have risen again
Risen, holding the hand of god
Risen, standing in his magnificent light
Risen, walking a well lit path of love and truth
God has sent me one of my own kind
The one he has prepared me for my whole life
He has sent me one of his most beautiful angels to walk by
my side
One who has fought to remove the ashes left by YOU
One who has been so patient with my tears
One who has been blessed by your absence
Your walking away and allowing me to grow
Saving me from years of continuing in the wrong direction
My angel was blessed by what you could not hold
He was blessed by what you could not understand
He was blessed by your ignorance
You will never be the one
There is nothing left of you
-Thee Goddess

Myspace For Girls Only - MyGirlySpace.com

My Interests


I'm Not Hidden... You only need to look in my Eyes!!

Free Profile Icons | Get This Icon!
..

Fallen for you.
Im staring blankly at the wall
to figure where i was before the fall
Days gone by and still my eyes follow
Where you plan to be tomorrow
Church bells ringing and your not smiling
Babies born I cry, you cringe
Lovers embrace, you turn your head
Pulling me closer you should be, Instead

I can appreciate this precious ache
Cause I know that I am still feeling
I can love you for many things
if only to leave my heart revealing
No lies but truth,
I give into you
The silence wakes me
Nothing I can do
'sept watch for the little things
and hope you see them too
I fell Here to hold your heart
There is nothing saying
we should be apart

I fell Here, to show you the way
To open your eyes
and give you a reason to pray
Friday morning I'll make that call
To take me back
into the arms I fall
No easy way back from where I came
But to live this angels dream
and make it through the pain
To stand before, not step aside
To pull you from the shadows
In which you reside
Im not going back
without you by my side
What will it take to make you cry
What are the fears you hold inside
Let me hold you, I am yours
Forever beside you
Fighting wars
What will it take to make you see
Forever is where I long to be
In your days and in your nights
Through your mistakes
Through your re-writes
What can I say that will make you hear
My name whispered within your ear
The loudest thunder from the smallest tear
Stolen away, just to have you here
-Fallen One (Catherine D.)


living in your passions and the consequences we seem to suffer because of them. The things we can't change, the things we can't forgive, The people that shouldnt exist... So so many things.

cute myspace layout


myspace layout


For Greg
free image hosting


I'd like to meet:


Listen to the fucking words.

I will wait for my time to meet Jesus Christ. I would have liked to meet William Shakespeare..we share a birthday and a gift. Rumor has it he died on our birthday as well! I am looking for people who Can look past my eyes.. into my soul.. People who know life is not about what we acquire.. but the moments we acquire through one another. Fun is Who you are with.. Not what you are doing!

*~FunniNess~*

Free Myspace Graphics



Free Myspace Graphics

*~LoVers~*

"Hush" Lyrics
This is
as quiet as it gets
hush down now
go to sleep
we were once perfect
me and you
will never leave this room
H H H Hush
you color my eyes red
your loves not live its dead
this letters written itself inside out again
when rivers turn to roads
and lovers become trends
H H H Hush…
this is where it ends
this is
the calming
before the storm
We’ve been here
like before
this absolution
is always incomplete
its always.. bittersweet
H H H Hush
you color my eyes red
your loves not live its dead
this letters written itself inside out again
when rivers turn to roads
and lovers become trends
H H H Hush
this is where it ends
I wont make a sound so you don't wake..
don't wake..
don't wake..
you don't wake
you don't wake
Hush
you color my eyes red
your loves not live its dead
this letters written itself inside out again
when rivers turn to roads
and lovers become trends
...H H H Hush
this is where it ends
you color my eyes red
your loves not live its dead
this letters written itself inside out again
when rivers turn to roads
and lovers become trends
H H H Hush..
this is where it ends
This is where it ends

Music:



My Boyfriend





I know.. He is Hawt!

Music..Music..Music!!
I am fond of Love and sadness in music....
Passion and darkness...
Oh i wish I could compile a crazy little list
of all my music to share the broad spectrum
I live my life to.
It would be easier to list the music I don't like
I am in LOVE with music
I have my mp3s playing all day and all night.

A list that ranges from
natalie, alanis morrisete,
crossfade, shine down,
Damien Rice,Casting Crowns,And then i turned 7
Blue october,Coldplay,
Corinna Fugate, Macy Grey,
Plumb, Jem, Sia,
Barlow Girl, Do,
A Perfect Circle, Bonnie Mckee,
Howie Day, The Fray,
Rascall Flatts, Sanctus Real,
Making April, Waking Ashland,
Dashboard Confessional
Paramore, Vast,
Pussycat Dolls,
Ashley Parker Angel,
Eva cassidy, Cocteau Twins,
Skunk Anansie,
Angels and Airwaves,

Ana Johnnson, Anna Nalick,
Sade, Superchick,
Evanescence, Diana Anaid,
Enigma, Biff Naked,
Ben Harper, Massive Attack,
Portishead, Saving Jane,
Secondhand Serenade,
The spill Canvas,
Yadda Yadda Yadda....and so on and so on...

Movies:


What Dreams May come, City of Angels, Legend, Labrynth


, The never ending story, Matrix, The Notebook, Count of Monte Christo, Old school, Tristan and Isolde, (Love stories) Serendipity, The Craft, Sweet November, Romeo and Juliet, West Side Story (classic) Im also Huge into Scary Movies like.. The ring, The Grudge

For Love of the Game, The entity, The seventh sign, Omen.. I Could go on a very Very long time.. but I will spare you.. I think you get the point!


Television:



I don't watch this television you speak of!
RUN... I reach to the bottom and stir…
Feel, stop running.
Hiding yourself behind feeling too much,
when you have in turn deprived yourself from all else.
Denying those you have found, those you have loved so passionately
Those your fire still burns for.
You will never be able to forget.
And yet you close your eyes and your soul shutters.
You KNOW…you know.
Their memory comes in songs and no other can be felt in the words
On my knees, hands tied behind myself… no pleads for mercy, no attempt to escape
Just dying to be owned. Dying to feel SO much Id never run away.
My wrists are sore, twisting to be free
My knees, weak and fragile, I want to rest where I never
want to leave.
I want to fall and not get back up
I want to desire for eternity
I want to collide and Win for once.
Is that so wrong... What makes me so bad?
I want him to look at me and fuck the world…
I want him to push me down and hold me so fucking tight I can barely breathe
“I’m not going anywhere”
“I will fight with you”
“Fuck the world baby”
“I can’t believe you found me”
“I can’t believe where you take me”
Without you, I have never lived
Before you there was nothing
Now, there is everything and I will stop at nothing to
build your castle
Stay here… no come with me, stand close behind and watch
me do this... for You
You are my goddess
My soul
I will build this world around us, my hands will bleed and
you will kiss them
No more pain, no more insanity.
Your thoughts are real, you KNEW… you knew and you are
free now
Don’t run from your thoughts.
Don’t hide from your reality
You are the only one strong enough to hear the whispers
You are the only one not afraid of the worlds you must
crash through
You are my porcelain goddess and I will worship thee with
every second I am given
I don’t fear you’re leaving, for you fought so hard to get
to me…
I rise to my feet and gaze at the beauty of our kingdom
What a beautiful place he has built around us
So secure, i'm not afraid.
Wait
I miss the fear
I miss the pain
I miss the aching of my heart to be consumed
I miss the tears, crying out for him
I miss his absence
I miss my insanity…
He looks away for a second
I run for the draw bridge
I scream… I fall.
He turns to see me run, starts running with such confusion
in his eyes.
I can hear the quivering in my breath as I know not what
compels me to run
I run so fast and never look back... until the screams
disappear
Till he can no longer find me
Until I am free once again.
I throw myself down wildly to the ground, I cry so hard my
heart feels like it has been shattered, the pieces
tearing their way through my veins, body shaking, blood
running from my knees.
I’m so lonely
So alone
And for a moment there is no emotion left to feel.
Only numbness I find all too familiar
A silence I dread
A wide eyed woman in her search for love
I nurse my wounds and admire my bruises
For a moment I am to be free, but a prisoner to one
I can never run from myself.

Books:


~*Faeries & Fantasy*~

Heroes:


Is it so wrong to not have a hero.. to be your own shining star??
Quotes for the day "Some people are like Slinkies... Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."

"Some people make things happen, some watch things happen, while others wonder what has happened."



*~Women Of Power~*

My Blog

I hope this finds you.

  I am not praying for a miracle I just want this to make sense I'm not asking for your history I'm not asking for your past I placed my memories up for sale Lets hope those days have passed I'...
Posted by *Fallen*One*[SI] [Lost in a Labrynth of deceit] on Thu, 17 May 2007 11:19:00 PST

Setting me free!

How can you say im pretty When you've never made me smile How can you think you miss me You hardly know my name How can you say I haunt you When you have never touched my face?   You hear ...
Posted by *Fallen*One*[SI] [Lost in a Labrynth of deceit] on Fri, 11 May 2007 03:35:00 PST

What did you expect?

What did you expect? Tell me what it is you want me to do?Walk away from my life and crawl back to you?Your eyes are deceivingYou had me believingThat your words were your bond and your bond was...
Posted by *Fallen*One*[SI] [Lost in a Labrynth of deceit] on Fri, 11 May 2007 04:06:00 PST

Fear Not We Fall.

Fear Not We Fall   Is it so hard to believe It was always meant to be this way When it is so easy to see That no words are needed to make me stay   Is it so hard to feel yourself fal...
Posted by *Fallen*One*[SI] [Lost in a Labrynth of deceit] on Tue, 08 May 2007 05:08:00 PST

Only Fly.

Only Fly! Her own tears..muffled by his silence She thought for sure by now he'd have spoken Said the words Said something... anything "Sometimes I feel like you do not want me around" "Like your j...
Posted by *Fallen*One*[SI] [Lost in a Labrynth of deceit] on Sat, 05 May 2007 07:21:00 PST

Now I fly.

You blame me for your mistake You point the finger at my face   I'm sorry that you hate me That you're too lost to face me   I'm sorry that im walking Away while you're still talking ...
Posted by *Fallen*One*[SI] [Lost in a Labrynth of deceit] on Fri, 04 May 2007 02:56:00 PST

Remember.

Remember. Breath in.. What have I done What mess have I created You call me a stranger when once you called me a lover There is anger.. Too much to define Caught beneath your eyes.. Born beneath the...
Posted by *Fallen*One*[SI] [Lost in a Labrynth of deceit] on Wed, 02 May 2007 10:56:00 PST

Like I never bled.

They say i can write about anything But my love gets in the way Waking my heart is reminded of pain Laying it to rest at the end of each day But now my wounds are healing Wrapped inside his soul Era...
Posted by *Fallen*One*[SI] [Lost in a Labrynth of deceit] on Sun, 29 Apr 2007 09:38:00 PST

Irreplacable.

Irreplacable   Have you lost the only thing That ever made you feel alive? Have you lost your reason to hope Leaving emptiness inside?   Are you left with broken promises Cause you p...
Posted by *Fallen*One*[SI] [Lost in a Labrynth of deceit] on Sat, 28 Apr 2007 03:34:00 PST

This Is,

This is for all the things I had to say This is for all the times I got in the way This is for needing you This is me bleeding for you This is the way I miss your touch These are all the things i mis...
Posted by *Fallen*One*[SI] [Lost in a Labrynth of deceit] on Sat, 28 Apr 2007 12:12:00 PST