In the City of Houston in the state of Texas in the south-central United States on the continent of North America within the Western Hemisphere on the planet Earth, in the Year Nineteen-Hundred and eighty-four, undoubtedly in reaction to the Union Carbide insecticide plant leak in India, the approaching A.I.D.s epidemic, the premiere of Who's the Boss? or countless other tragic events of the same year, the gods saw fit to bring Orock unto this world. But the secular, amoral, south-central conservative elitist act of conception by Orock's parents beat them to it.
23 years later, through wars, environmental disasters, and five presidents, Orock has miraculously survived. Currently living in The Woodlands, Tx, (when you get off at exit 78 ask the bum holding the sign where to find him. If the dirty bum is not visible he is probably in the bushes asleep so poke him with a stick a few times but DO NOT get near him.) now plying his trade as a D.j., blogger, fuckin' rock star, and occasional adviser to the president. There is virtually nothing Orock cannot do, and furthermore there is nothing he has the time to do. He even got me, world-renown author John Irving, to pen this biography for him.
Owen Meany was fully grown but looked like a small child. Also there's a juggling bear in the hotel, riding a unicycle in windswept New England, just now rolling past the amazing Garp and his wife and the homosexual football player. Life was hard at the reformatory for me and the seventeen other boys, but Michael Caine proved to be a fine headmaster.
I'm sorry for the digression.
I will now shoot myself in the eye.
