About Me
All I can say is, I tried.
I can write "pretty" ones too if need be:
It happened so long ago.
But never will I forget.
We were riding the metro.
'Twas when you and I first met.
You sat by a homeless man.
He sighed, "Please sir, understand.
I'm begging you, help me live."
And gently held out his hand.
You turned to him and nodded.
His face blushing with chagrin
Transformed to a toothless smile
As if absolved of all his sin.
"Kind sir, for you I will do
So much more, if you can trust
A simple man like myself."
He just stared at you nonplussed.
You looked at me and winked once.
I just turned away red-faced.
I've never seen quite a man
With such honor and such grace.
I followed you and the man.
Out of the metro station.
I tried to keep out of sight
As I watched the transformation.
You bathed and fed and clothed him.
He left smiling and complete.
You winked at me where I hid.
I was anxious to retreat.
You shifted my way. "Don't delay!"
My mind screamed as I stood frozen.
I could hear my fear disappear.
You or me? Who had chosen?
I was concerned I'd tell you
All the secrets I'd locked inside.
Heart pounding, I was naked.
Was this it? Had I arrived?
My eyes unblinking you spoke.
"Yes indeed, I am The One."
My heart melted and awoke.
Utopia had begun.
Ahh...That was sssweet as sugar and cute as dimplesss!
"Sludge From My Mouth"
by Timothy Tuesdale
and his lover Mr. Kurtzmann
who lives in Brazil
Sally is going away on a "trip".
I don't do gossip this ain't from my lip.
So lean in closer to hear what I heard.
Total abortions, this will be her third.
This was confirmed to me by the Vicar.
Quarterback Joe and Eric the kicker,
Were seen last night by the pond hand in hand.
Those jocks are dating! Now isn't that grand?
Your Dad told you that your dog ran away.
Never trust anything that grownups say.
Look in the back of your Mother's car trunk.
She ran over Poochie while she was drunk.
Oh yeah, Sister Mary, got her boobs done.
Pastor Stan loves to dress like a nun.
I have some news of your brother Roger.
The girl he's in love with has a todger.
Donna always has her legs in the air.
I just thought maybe you'd want me to share.
These are just some things I heard on the street.
Gossip is evil so do not repeat!
A faggot wrote this next poem. (That would be me.)
I call it:
Chaotic Vortex
(Because it sounds as cool as my hair is awesome.)
I got lint in my lighter.
I got a rock in my shoe.
But that don't really matter.
Because I know I got you.
Two hang nails on three fingers.
Try to figure that one out.
A bird pooped on my shoulder.
But these things don't make me pout.
A button fell off my shirt.
My watch battery just died.
Problems are invisible.
With you standing by my side.
Ouch! A nasty papercut.
Dang and blast! I stubbed my toe
Wonder why I don't feel pain?
Because you're here, um, hello!
I had to break a window.
My keys were locked in my car.
Thanks for paying for my bail.
You deserve a golden star.
I fell down the stairs today.
But I didn't shed a tear.
You reached out and picked me up.
I'm glad you're always near.
My mishaps don't bother me.
I am never in distress.
You are my infinity.
To the world I must confess.
I wish I had a hairy chest, but I don't so I draw it on with a magic marker.
I notice that guys
like to include at least
one picture of their car
among their personal photos.
I thought I would do the same.
Ah...um...nevermind.
Devotion
Your alluring smile,
Corrodes my eyes.
The sweet melody you laugh,
Mutilates my ears.
When you hug me,
My flesh turns putrid.
Telecommunications with you,
Dries up the universe.
Je t'aime.
Nice...
...Indubitably!
