Helmet

Well, I'm 21 now and go to Uni in Northampton where I study the whimsical subject of Criminology. Currently doing my dissertation (boring hell) and I hang out in the ghettohoodbitchslapping village of Brixworth. Me and my friends go down the co-op every evening and partake in the purchasing of shandy, and get off our arses for a total of 59p, which is great. I am the best. I also enjoy feeding the ducks down Pitsford reservoir with my dad, Andy, but unfortunately we don't do that any more because Andy, as you can probably guess, ran off into the sunset. He was brought home by the police later on and was said to be in the process of sodomising a cow (he was caught climbing a stepladder at the cows rear exclaiming "You like that, don't you bitch"). Apart from poppycock such as this, I enjoy football. Unfortunately I am not allowed to competetively play again due to an accident similar to what Andy was caught doing. In fact, I had graduated from the art of buggering cattle and had decided to try my hand in the sport of sticking your head up an elephants anus, unfortunately for me though, the elephant decided to sit down in the process, causing me severe injuries to my spinal column and my anterior cruciate ligament. But not to worry, as my great friend Henry Wright once said "I'm guna go over there and bum Ansky", it could be so much worse.

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