honestly, i am nothing to brag about. im that girl that you meet once and forget all about. the one that talks nonsense, then goes home and realizes what a bad impression she made. im embarassing. sometimes i feel like a video game, i either win or lose with people. i will never understand what happened between me and everyone, i guess i change to much. my mind gets the best of me. i tell my self i should not drink. one minute im laughing, the other i hate everyone im with and wish i was dead. i just want to be more.
........But how can I possibly begin to tell you about myself, if most days I dont even know who I am? Understanding myself, my thoughts and my actions is complicated in itself. But seriously, what does it take to get a drink in here? My name is Katie and i dont do much with myself besides work, eat, sleep, get fucked up, and be random at all times. im always wanting the untouchable. You can say im rather unproductive. Ive been dancing in a body i dont recognize for the last 22 years. I beleive i have severe cases of hypocondria, i think someone/something is always trying to kill me. Name a disease, i either thought/think/or will think i have it. I dont need drugs, im naturally fucked up. i wish i was into the same things as you, maybe i would undertstand your place. Im always looking for a new job, I like change. When i talk, words never seem to come out right, just a jumbled mess that makes me seem retarded. Im very emotionful, but i keep to myself as often as possible. I have an amazing boyfriend named Matthew Dedrick, and we are deeply in love. Hes made me addicted to the peen. I think too much causing false ideas which leads to assuming. I feel lonely most of the time, when in actuality Im not. I have a few friends that i hold dear to my heart. Me and Kim are the biggest gossipers and probably talk shit about you. Pickles are extremely tasty when your high, im a sucker for bread and butter. Ice coffees make me tingle. I tend to be creative when im alone in my room. Painting and card making seem to be my specialty. I talk to strangers too much, and not enough to my friends. I can never stop saying sorry, and i will always think you hate me. i dont like myself too much. Im not a very motivated person. Ive put off college for the last 5 years, hopefully this year i will not make the same mistake. I would love to major in interior decorating and fashion design. But my life long dream, along with Erics, is to become a suicide girl. I don’t hold grudges long, and I trust people to easily. I tend to say “I love you†too much, and to the wrong people. sleep is amazing. i sleep with the covers over my head. im crazy like that. im sick of sleeping in order to stop my head from thinking. its only a temporary solution. No one will ever understand how much I care. I have low self esteem and im not hard to get along with. I tend to juice a lot, for no real purpose. I have a dirty mind, and I like talking about gross things. Like period blood for example. I attract the weirdest people, maybe because im weird myself. I don’t know my own strength and can be very abusive. Chances are you know from experience. im addicted to colon cleansers. im a drama queen and im definetly not all there. Ive walked that lonesome road plenty of times. And ive learned to live with it But i know that i take up space in someones heart. I can honestly say that i am not happy with where i am. emotionally, and physically. I want to indulge in life, and stop taking advantage of it. Im a snapcase. and i hate fridays. their too stressful for my weak mind. I dont think before i speak, so i can be a total ass. If you want to win my heart, just play Saves The Day. Music in itself makes me happy. I know who my best friends are. But names would only cause drama. and ive experienced enough. and i can be very sensitive. All in All, I just want to be happy. truly happy. i need to stop wanting. and just be happy with what i have. Basically, im a fucked up girl living the simple life. I guess its time to get out of the desert and into the sun, even if its alone.
