The ideal master controls himself, so that he might control his submissive. He will, as stern dominant, cause tears to flow, and, as lover, kiss them away. An unashamed romantic, he cherishes his submissive lady. Yet always, he remains aware of the difference between fantasy and reality. When there is need he is ready to leave the roles behind to be a friend.
He understands that to own a woman, one must court the mind with intelligence and humor; win the spirit with compassion and warmth; and take the body with determined strength. He is old-fashioned enough to be gallant and chivalrous. Naturally protective, he would fight for his lady's honor. He understands and accepts the differences between men and women, but is modern enough to know there is no inferiority to it.
He is the honorable sadist who uses pain to extend the bounds of pleasure, vigilant that no harm comes of the hurt. He is the mentor and guide who takes his lady into flight, the wind beneath her wings and her tether to the earth. Enveloping the submissive in his strength, he lends her the courage to reach new heights.
The good dominant is not lazy, mentally or physically. He researches carefully his toys of choice. He seeks out those having the skills and knowledge to teach him to use those toys properly. Then, he practices each skill he would have, whip to cane. Trusting nothing to chance, he tests everything first on his own body.
He is patient enough to learn his submissive well. Aware of the fragile nature of the human mind and spirit, he would not violate those entrusted to his keeping. He knows that submission to him will deepen as trust grows and control will extend as affection increases.
Confident in his dominance, he has no need of silly posturing. He accepts titles as tokens of respect and kneeling as outward expression of genuine feeling. He has no desire to cheapen these by compelling as ritual. He understands that the compliance that comes out of fear of punishment is weak at best. While the obedience engendered from real submissive feeling and the desire to please one's master is unequivocal.
He is secure enough to laugh at himself and the absurdities of life, courageous enough to accept assistance, open-minded enough to learn new things, and strong enough to grow. His tools are mind, body, spirit, and soul, with assistance from whip, chain, and blindfold. He understands that each partner gains from pleasuring the other. Most of all, he knows love as the only chain that truly binds.
Exerpt from:
Phillip Miller & Molly Devon. Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns ; The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism, 1st. ed / Mystic Rose Books
