Dating & Relationship Advice
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these niggas...
A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine. On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to stay that way."Well, okay," he says, "how about a blow job?" "Yuck!" she screams. "I'm not putting that thing in my mouth!"He says, "Well, then, how about a hand job?" "I've never done that," she says. "What do I have to do?""Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?" She nods. "Well, it's just like that."So, he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain."What's wrong?!" she cries out."Take your thumb off the end!!"
Comedies... WAY too many to name
I'll watch anything thats on but i usually watch movies more than t.v. shows
Q. Why is air a lot like sex? A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.Q. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat? A. A Klondike BarQ. Three words to ruin a man's ego... A. "Is it in?" Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!Q. What did Adam say to Eve? A. Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets!Q. What is the definition of a menstrual period? A. A bloody waste of fucking time.Q. What do women and police cars have in common? A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.Q. What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say to clients as they are leaving? A. Thanks for comingQ. Why do horny women order at Subway? A. FootlongsQ. What's the best thing about a blow job? A. Ten minutes of silence!Q. What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm? A. I can't see a thing with all this shit in here!Q. A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits? A. The blonde, because she's 18.Q. Why did god give men penises? A. So they'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up!Q. What's the hottest thing in the world? A. Two rats fucking in a wool sock!!!that last one was hilarious lol lol DONT JUDGE ME lol
..I consider myself a hero because... well i'm the best person ever. I know I'm SO modest haha