I KNOW YOU'VE PROBABLY MOVED ON.....BUT ESTE TERCO CORAZON JUST CANT LET GO....SABES....
So lets start over. I'm Alysha. I can say that I've had a defining and scary past 2 years. I've been there and done that. I guess you can say my life was like a bad dream at first but with hope and optimism in the end, and a beautiful dream in the middle. I met a woman who changed my life, and she knows who she is. And I will miss her! And as I said many times I did not deserve her, you were wonderful! but as I got a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel, it took one moment for it all to go away. So lets start all over and let you in, which I should have done but didnt. But I cant take away the past, as an old friend says you live and you learn. So here goes....
Well as you all know I'm gay and my family hadnt ever taken that very lightly, so we had been very distant. Until my bffffffff Lisa gave me the best Christmas present this year, she had a heart to heart with my mommy and the rest of my family. I can say that for the first time I hugged my mom I felt whole! They accepted me and loved me for who I was! Then I finally closed the chapter with my ex-fiance -- I will always love you Terra -- I'm glad we continue to be friends! So Diego and Lisa called it quits for good but we all continue to be the 3 amigos! I was doing great in my career finishing my last few years, but I may be retiring and giving up that life pretty soon or I may go away for a while and work my heart out. I fell hard for someone, and just never let her in. For that I'm sorry.
And so I turned 25 this year, come to find out my mother was sick. I was by her side on my birthday. Grasping to her hand not wanting to let go, all she said is that she would see the day that I turned 25 and she wouldnt ruin my day. On Friday February 15th at 12:01 a.m., my mom let go, one minute after my birthday was over she gave me a kiss on my forehead and said goodbye for the last time. I've cried and cried everyday since.....i've been here at home for a month, away from work, away from family, away from friends, just away from life. Everyday I wake up, sit on the porch and watch the sun rise, the cool breeze hits my face and I wonder what this world is worth to me. I spend my day running as hard and as far as I can until I break, then I walk home & sit on the deck and drink some tea flipping through some pictures of my family and friends. take a shower, then go back and sit on the porch and watch the sun set as the fireplace is crackling I drink a glass of wine and let it all out just wondering what the next day will hold.
As my bff told me...."Day by day we see life....death.....sadness......happiness.The ups and downs of life.The scrutiny of life.Each step becomes harder and harder.Sometimes giving up tends to cross our minds, its easier to give up, then to go through the smog of life.Just thank god for today, and pray that tommorrow will be a better day.Easier said then done.......but never give up on yourself....continue to be who you are.....one day the light will shine to clear the smog.....Cry as hard as you can and let your soul heal....sooner or later those tears will be of joy....So if its meant to be...that person you're thinking of will shine the light...or maybe not...then it wasnt meant to be...but thats ok...We all have our own path and destiny....with that 'someone'...."
The L Word - Shane & Carmen - A love story
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGN50ImfCQA
