Condoleezza, The Desert Cow

Good day gentleman, ladies, and hermaphrodites. I am The Queen of Bovine Fear. I am the Princess Cow of Myspace. I am the mistress of all things hooved and furry. I enjoy standing around mooing, grazing, dropping pies, urinating occasionally, and lactating.
You should know that if we go on a date, I eat very slow, then have to lay down to regurgitate the contents of my first stomach. I usually don’t have sex on the first date, but the second date is always up for grabs. I have no problems carrying a stepladder with me for such purposes. I don’t brush my teeth, and I bathe in mud, so if that turns you off, please don’t email me. The only time I shower is when it rains.
Sometimes I sleep standing up, so if you can’t handle that, then we aren’t compatible. I’m an Aries, so you’d better check your sign before contacting me. I’m also a little heavy, so don’t expect me to be all skinny like Paris Hilton if we hook up.
Other than that, I am just a happy go lucky cow who has managed to avoid the slaughter house for my whole life. The ranges have treated me well.
Tell Me About Yourself - The Survey
Name:: I don't have a name, but I call myself "The Desert Cow"
Birthday:: March 29, 1977
Birthplace:: Outside, in the desert, in the cold.
Current Location:: Desert Ranges of New Mexico
Eye Color:: Green
Hair Color:: Brown (Including my bush)
Height:: 56 Inches
Right Handed Or Left Handed:: Handed ? WTF??
Your Heritage:: Bovine
The Shoes You Wore Today:: They are called hoofs you idiot.
Your Weakness:: Running through mud :)
Your Fears:: Cloud Sparks and mean cow dogs
Your Perfect Pizza:: One without beef or cheese
Goals You Would Like To Achieve This Year:: Not go to slaughter
Your Most Overused Phrase On An Instant Messenger:: huh?
Thoughts First Waking Up:: I am tired of standing, time to eat some grass and lay down.
Your Best Physical Feature:: My sexy udders :P
Your Bedtime:: Whenever I am tired
Your Most Missed Memory:: Corn silage
Pepsi Or Coke:: Neither...dirty water works for me.
McDonalds Or Burger King:: Are you KIDDING?!?!?!!!?!????
Single Or Group Dates:: Herd Dates :)
Lipton Ice Tea Or Nestea:: Still like Dirty water
Chocolate Or Vanilla:: Haven't tried either...
Cappucino Or Coffee:: Doesn't sound good...
Do You Smoke:: No, kinda hard for a cow to burn one...
Do You Swear:: Fuck yeah.
Do You Sing:: I mooo!
Do You Shower Daily:: I mudbathe on occasion
Have You Been In Love:: Yeah, until the bastard gets off of me, and I find myself knocked up again..
Do You Want To Go To College:: Nah.
Do You Want To Get Married:: This survey has too many human questions..
Do You Believe In Yourself:: Yes
Do You Get Motion Sickness:: Never been in motion...
Do You Think You Are Attractive:: I am dead sexy!
Are You A Health Freak:: No.
Do You Get Along With Your Parents:: They are gone, long gone.
Do You Like Thunderstorms:: No, I hate cloud sparks.
Do You Play An Instrument:: No.
In The Past Month Have You Drank Alcohol:: No.
In The Past Month Have You Smoked:: No.
In The Past Month Have You Been On Drugs:: I have eaten a few strange plants that made me tipsy.
In The Past Month Have You Gone On A Date:: No, I have gone on a stamped though.
In The Past Month Have You Gone To The Mall:: No.
In The Past Month Have You Eaten A Box Of Oreos:: I am a cow damnit!
In The Past Month Have You Eaten Sushi:: WTF is that?
In The Past Month Have You Been On Stage:: Nope.
In The Past Month Have You Been Dumped:: Nopey.
In The Past Month Have You Gone Skinny Dipping:: I live in my skin.
In The Past Month Have You Stolen Anything:: Some grass through a fence.
Ever Been Drunk:: No, not crunk either.
Ever Been Called A Tease:: I am a cowk tease.
Ever Been Beaten Up:: No.
Ever Shoplifted:: I am a cow...not applicable.
How Do You Want To Die:: On the range.
What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up:: I am grown up, and I am still a cow.
What Country Would You Most Like To Visit:: India.