I'm big, I'm loud, I'm clumsey, I'm told I'm an asshole, but, I really don't mean to be, I'm really strong, yeah I know, it's cool, I'm Irish, I like to drink, I like to fight, I'm good at both, but, I've got nothing but love for everybody, some people just need their ass kicked sometimes, especially me, goodbye, I like cars, I think I'm bipolar, I'm 1/3 good, 1/3 evil and 1/3 indifferent, and they're are always fighting eachother, I like women, only the crazy ones like me, I don't know where I am, I like beer, I like plants, what was that? I'm from New Mexico, I live in Oklahoma, It's cold outside, who are you? what are you doing in my house? oooh a quarter! I like stuff, I do stuff, huh? Hi!_________________________________________________________ 15 things not to do in the South 1. Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass. 2. Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther, Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or we will just HAVE to kick your ass. 3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever - it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking. 4. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g., Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your ass. 5. We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Edwards, Duke, Barnes, Clinton). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick their ass. 6. Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and make fun of the carving, we'll kick your ass. 7. We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick your ass. 8. Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended-with gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass. 9. Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your ass kicked. 10. Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited Northern shitholes like Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked. 11. Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick your ass. 12. Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor. 13. Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours. 14. So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or Philadelphia. Make fun of our fresh air, and we'll kick your ass. 15. Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our barbecue, and you will go home in a pine box....Minus your ass!
TELL ME ABOUT YO0RSELF - The Survey
Name: Kodiak O'Manacain
Birthday: 10-9-84
Birthplace: Oklahoma City
Current Location: Oklahoma City
Eye Color: Blue, I think
Hair Color: Blondish, Brownish, something?
Height: 6'2
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right, but I throw KOs lefty too.
Your Heritage: Irish/Brit
The Shoes You Wore Today: Work Boots
Your Weakness: Good lookin women, with sweet voices
Your Fears: None
Your Perfect Pizza: Pepporoni, Italian Sausage, Fried Potatos, and extra cheese.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: This years already fucked, focusing on 07
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: I don't IM, I'm old school
Thoughts First Waking Up: *sigh* Not this shit again
Your Best Physical Feature: Arms
Your Bedtime: When I'm tired
Your Most Missed Memory: Growing up in New Mexico
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: MacD's for breakfast, BK for lunch
Single or Group Dates: Whatever
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Arizona Sweet Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: Uhh?
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee
Do you Smoke: Yup
Do you Swear: Fuck yeah
Do you Sing: HA! If you wanna call it that
Do you Shower Daily: Yes
Have you Been in Love: Yes
Do you want to go to College: In college
Do you want to get Married: Yes
Do you belive in yourself: Hmm. Well I'm pretty sure I exist. But who knows.
Do you get Motion Sickness: No
Do you think you are Attractive: No, well, have you been drinking?
Are you a Health Freak: Try to be, usually fail
Do you get along with your Parents: Yup
Do you like Thunderstorms: Only when I'm not driving in them
Do you play an Instrument: No
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Yes, I am Irish
In the past month have you Smoked: Yes
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Pain Killers
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: No
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Never
In the past month have you been on Stage: Kareoke
In the past month have you been Dumped: Yes
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No
Ever been Drunk: I'm fuckin Irish!
Ever been called a Tease: No
Ever been Beaten up: Yes, many times, and returned the favor many more.
Ever Shoplifted: Yes
How do you want to Die: Slow and horrible, I deserve it
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Dead
What country would you most like to Visit: Ireland
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Green
Favourite Hair Color: Dark
Short or Long Hair: Either
Height: Shorter than me
Weight: Not fatter than me
Best Clothing Style: Huh?
Number of Drugs I have taken: If someone claims to remember, they're a liar.
Number of CDs I own: A few
Number of Piercings: 0, well none intentional
Number of Tattoos: 7
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Too many
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
