Robert the Zombie

I used to be a regular Joe... well... Robert ... until I was involved in that big bus accident near the Fiddlestein Power Plant. Maybe you heard about it on the local news or on the syndicated TV program "Wild and Weird Whattzits?" After an unhealthy dose of radiation I realized that I was.... different. I had become one of the undead, but honestly I have never felt more alive! At first it was hard to fight the urge to eat people and suck out their brains. Trust me I've had a few awkward experiences with some old friends, and I don't think I will be invited back to the company picnic anytime soon. But with the help of my patient wife Patricia and the brilliant and talented Deedra McHaffen's 13-step "Defeating Defeat" program, I have become the reformed creature that you see before you today. Now I'm trying to help others with similar conditions to mine. I have been providing an open ear and a closed mouth to some cannibals, vampires, goth enthusiasts, serial killers, and even a close friend who is a wereperson (he considers himself more man than wolf, so don't call him a werewolf unless you want to carry your small intestines home with you- LOL just kidding Chris wouldnt do that). I tell these people that they can all as Deedra says "turn their cravings into savings!" You are not just a mindless killer - you can break the scaryotype, and stop eating that succulent..... juicy .. nutritious.... mouthwatering ... um... and gross, stinky flesh. If I can cut 83% of the living flesh out of my diet so can you. My 200th day brain-free was last Wednesday!! Thanks to everyone for their support and thanks especially to Deedra for, after 47 sessions and 2 mortgages on my house, helping me "Defeat Defeat!"