relentless djs who make genius mix cds full of strange selections and songs i never would have liked out of context. people that compile lists. someone who shakes that other one out. or whoever can make my life a hugh grant romantic comedy. mary kate OR ashley. kelly osbourne's hate list. har mar superstars TRUE friends (same for peaches, but she's canadian, so....). Nikki kidman. j.t. leroy, sarah jessica parker when she's fucking happy in those gap ads. my friends at ANY point when they're king of the world. prince circa purple rain. the authors of 'bimbox' zine. madonna when she first sang 'angel'. the pet shop boys. ashlee simpson's cast off boyfriends. tommy lee w/ his pants down. pammy anderson w/ her smarts up. kurt and courtney when they were in love on sassy. the braintrust behind the original sassy. pt anderson when he's not totally coked out. bobby orlando. klaus nomi in his native tongue. anyone who has a beard that i LOVE BEFORE they grew the hateful beard (neutral milk, even jeff dead buckley). tiny when he was a ruler in makeup. brett anderson when he was a simple word user w/ bad bangs. ll cool j at ANY time in his career when he was fucking hot ('i need love', and well, now) flavor flav on crack. tony ward. brent everett (the best gay porn star), leigh bowery (3 places: at taboo any week, posing for bacon, first minty concert) marky mark before he was a hotshit actor. prince when he was dirty. grace jones in conan or in one man show. joe dallesandro when i had the chance w/ him. that diesel boy when he first asked me out and before he got a girlfried. morrissey before he kissed a dude. talking heads live pre-stop making sense. marilyn (though i've met him) manson, ANY FUCKING DAY OF THE WEEK. courtney when someone needs to hold her hand. michael alig before he accidentally murdered the dealer and when he was still in LOVE w/ nitelife. brit when shes in federline's (capable) arms. kylie when she and olivier are, ahem, ALONE. richard gere when he was kinda gay and photographed by herb ritts. matt dillion, then, now, when the fuck ever. river phoenix on drugs. anna nicole as trash. paris hilton anytime and nicole richie WHEN SHE'S LAUGHING. morrissey before he ruined my life. abba before the breakup. heart when they ate for one. thunders when he knew where he was. debbie harry when she realized that disco and/or rap was IT. basquiat when he led those bitches. warhol when he said everything was 'great' 'great' great'. stacey q when they handed her '2 of hearts' to sing. elton john coked out of his fucking mind. princess di when she was bitter. sonic youth before they were dead. julian casablancas when he said 'they're gonna go fuck' about me and a friend. nick carter when he realized he was the FAT one. JC chazez when he realized his hair told the world he ate DICK and that justin was the only one that mattered. nan goldin when she photographed boston and my friends. geri when she left the band and ran to george michael. r. kelly when he writes those songs. michael before he gets, y'know, TOO close to the children. soon to be 'new order' on the day that asshole ian curtis hung himself. dolly parton when she realized that she was a SONGWRITER. the beatles the first day they HATED EACH OTHER. the clash all those times they lied. the libertines when the first record was made and when the lies of the 2nd made us all feel good. sheila e when 'glamorous life' came out. wendy and lisa when they figured they WERE the goddamn revolution. christie brinkley when she realized she ain't an icon and she ain't hot, she's just joel's girl. kate moss when the world wrongly DESPISED HER. also when she was in the studio w/ primal scream doing vocals. naomi in any tantrum she ever had (cuz, her erecords were soooooo subpar). janet when she got her independence and when she let justin rip her titty out. boston when the rat was cool. my friends before they fell in love w/ me. nyc any night of the week. elton john in the 70s. new york dolls the day they put on heels. biggie when he woke up and 'juicy' was .1. kanye when he wore all piink and said 'jesus walks'. eminem when he wrote 'stan'. jay-z when he looked around and realized if he retires, we AIN'T GOT SHIT. (what up, b?) iggy pop the day bowie shoved his tongue down his troat. courtney love the day she realized that she will ALWAYS BE DESPISED for outliving him. boy george when he'd 'rather have a cup of tea', but not when he was on the 'A-Team'. marianne faithfull w/ that mars bar up her twat. new order when they premiered 'confusion' in the electro clubs in nyc. divine when she ate that dogshit. stevie nicks............WHENEVER. steve rubell when he ruled nitelife. michael alig when he did. la bouche when they hit .1 in america. the smiths when moz had those stupid flowers out his ass. eno when he left roxy music. new kids on the block when they packed it in. spice girls when they recorded 'goodbye" (their best track). george michael in that toilet. pee wee w/ his hand down his pants. sleater kinney when they preview new tracks. superchunk when 'no pocky for kitty' was recorded. brit when she started going relentlessly white trash. my friend adam when he was in love w/ me. kenickie when they recorded that demo and realized they were BETTER. the scissor sisters when they take over the world. public enemy recording 'it takes a nation of millions'. meat beat manifesto doing 'storm the studio'. madonna doing 'gone'. frankie smith and the 'double dutch bus' on the skating disco floor. ross singing 'missing you'. jamie lee curtis filming 'halloween'. ewan mcgregor filming 'moulin rouge'. jude law, like, whenever. pj harvey at tt the bears premiering future tracks from 'rid of me'. scott harrison when he twirled baton. traci turner when she rules the fucking world. graham o'connor when he bought a cell phone and met a new lady. every girl who i've told to fuck off, exactly when i rightly DID SO. franz ferdinand when they recorded 'take me out'. manics when they wrote 'little baby nothing' for traci lords. chloe when she was filming 'boys don't cry'. ricci when doing 'opposite of sex'. kudrow and sorvino during 'romy and michelle'. those bitches doing the vocals for 'times square'. snoop when he guested w/ dre. drea de mateo when she got the hit on the sopranos. no doubt when they made a great pop song. kristin hersh when she stopped being 'so hot in here'. nelly when he wrote 'hot in herre'. minty before leigh bowery died, when they invented the 2 year future of electroclash. every person i've ever met when they were MOST in love w/ me. loverboy when they wrote 'working for the weekend'. journey, 'separate ways', styx, 'the best of times', steve winwood, 'while you see a chance', kim carnes 'bette davis eyes'. karen carpenter before she was sick. shampoo when they didn't give a fuck. pavement before you knew who they were. george michael circa 'older'. beliniamsburg when it was REAL. alicia keys before she did that prince cover. drew barrymore on drugs. my addict friends off drugs. grace jones, whenever, but esp. during conan. the list goes on and on..... and WILL continue. you when you make me fall in love with you. YOU. WHENEVER.