OK let's get one thing straight right from the start - I'm a cat. I only make friends with other cats. I don't do bands and I prefer not to do dogs.I'm 14 years old born April 1st 1993 in Winchmore Hill - my feline mother was white and long haired. Her owner had a kid that called me Marmalade (what kinda name is Marmalade?). They put an ad in safeways in Palmers Green and that's how my Mum found me. She gave me a name I could be proud of - Mr Skag E Monster. She and my dad call me all kinda nicknames - Skaggy, Skaggy-Waggy, SkagPuss, Skaggers, Skagerello, Fluffers, Fluffels, Jaffa Cake, Jaffas, Ginger Jaffrey, Bumps, Gingey, Gingerello, Big Ginge, Mega Ginge, Mighty Ginge, Psycho-Cougar ("he gets those mieces and he rips them all to pieces"), Tony Gingano, Gatto, Gattolini. Monsieur Tucky Paws and all kinda other crazy names. Mostly I ignore them and only answer to Skag or Skaggy which I think is fair enough. The other names are dumb and make me sound like some kinda nut job.
I've had my ups and downs over the years - I only have one tooth left after nearly 14 years of chewing and gum disease. When I catch a mouse they know it's me by the single incision to the neck! When I was one I broke my jaw (hence the saggy jaw line) while out tomcatting around with the ladies. Vet said most likely I fell off a wall while in action - I don't remember it so well. All I know is I staggered home three weeks later and woke up at the Vets with my jaw wired and no balls! My Mum says the balls were down to her ex who was sick of me scratching up his carpet. Thankfully she dumped the jerk and I got used to living without my balls!
Since then I moved around a bit with my Mum but then she met my wonderful Dad and we've been settled here about ten years. I knew right off he was the Dad for me. He adores us felines and has a way with animals. He does the best strokes in town and when he picks me up I can snuggle into his strong arms and feel secure. He adopted me and we've lived in blissful happiness ever since, me, my Mum and my Dad. I guess I'm just spoilt.
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Hee hee hee! Did I ever give my owners (makes them feel good) a nice surprise. They went away and left me alone for four days so d'you know what I did? I left them a big rat, right by the bed with a single incision through the neck from my one remaining tooth and a bit of manky fur where I chewed it a bit. Then the next night just to show how much I love them and make sure they don't leave me alone again, I got them another rat. Only this time it backfired a bit coz i brought it in alive by mistake and let it go in the bedroom. Dad got cross because he heard the scratching and couldn't stay in the bedroom (he hates rodents and Mum usually deals with the corpses but she refused to wake up coz she was dead tired). So in the morning Dad was pissed off with me and I still hadn't caught it. To be honest I lost interest so I went out in the garden. Then Mum locked me in with the rat but I just wasn't in the mood. In the end Mum had to call in a man to catch it - what a fiasco that was! Humans take ages to catch rats and they don't have that bite we have. The rat kicked off, screaming the place down and it just wasn't pretty. Mum had to pay the rat man £70! So she was pissed off with me too. Now they've put a lock on the bedroom door so I can't go in there at night. How is that fair? Bloody humans, you go out of your way two nights in a row to get them a present and all they do is reject you.
KEEP IT GINGER!
