A real friend, a real musician, a real god, a real santa clause,a real unicorn,a real part of star jones's body, a real feminist that doesn't wonder every once in a while what a dick would feel like in her mouth, A real man, Oh and my real father considering I'm from the planet Melmac and Alf was the only real living relative I ever knew and he never gave me shit. I won't eat your cat.f