Lou

Oh lips full of lust and laughter,
Curled snakes that are fed from my breast,
Bit hard, lest remembrance come after
And press with new lips where you pressed.
For my heart too springs up at the pressure,
Mine eyelids too moisten and burn;
Ah, feed me and fill me with pleasure,
Ere pain come in turn.

In yesterday’s reach and to-morrow’s,
Out of sight though they lie of to-day,
There have been and there yet shall be sorrows
That smite not and bite not in play.
The life and the love thou despisest,
These hurt us indeed, and in vain,
O wise among women, and wisest,
Our Lady of Pain.

There are sins it may be to discover,
There are deeds it may be to delight.
What new work wilt thou find for thy lover,
What new passions for daytime or night?
What spells that they know not a word of
Whose lives are as leaves overblown?
What tortures undreamt of, unheard of,
Unwritten, unknown?

By the hunger of change and emotion,
By the thirst of unbearable things,
By despair, the twin-born of devotion,
By the pleasure that winces and stings,
The delight that consumes the desire,
The desire that outruns the delight,
By the cruelty deaf as a fire
And blind as the night,

By the ravenous teeth that have smitten,
Through the kisses that blossom and bud,
By the lips intertwisted and bitten,
Till the foam has a savor of blood,
By the pulse as it rises and falters,
By the hands as they slacken and strain,
I adjure thee, respond from thine altars,
Our Lady of Pain.

I'm uncomfortably 30ish, a wife and mother, a punk rock/goth girl at heart with all that it implies. I snort when I laugh, and I laugh at just about everything. I'm extremely creative, I'm funny, I'm sentimental, and I'm passionate. I'm over-the-top though I try to be reserved. I'm friendly and would go out of my way to help you, but I could probably kick your ass. I'm insecure though sometimes cocky. I'm caring though often self absorbed. I'm emotional though I'm too old to be considered emo. I'm strong though my feelings are easily hurt. If we've ever been friends, I'll remember you for the rest of my life. If there is ever animosity between us, I'll forget by the next day, but for that day that I remember, I'll be guilty of thinking the most evil of thoughts about you. I'm really a girly-girl, though you probably wouldn't get that impression of me without knowing me well.

A few months back, someone I know well, and whose opinion I respect, pejoratively referred to me as peculiar, and though it really hurt my feelings at the time, I guess it's a fair assessment. I'm a somewhat unusual person I suppose, especially comparatively with the people by whom I am generally surrounded. I fit in my current life like a proverbial square peg. I have diametrically opposed personality components, and a lot of inner conflict going on in my head most of the time.

I'm proud to be a certified registered nurse anesthetist (CRNA). My nursing experience prior to anesthesia school was in cardiothoracic/transplant surgery intensive care. In that environment, I saw more people suffer and die than my psyche was prepared for I think. But saddened as I was by what I saw there, I was and remain grateful for the opportunity to be a small part of peoples' lives during their most poignant and tumultuous experiences. What drew me to anesthesia I think, in large part, was the opportunity to provide a life-sustaining and comforting service to people during some of their most stressful of times. It's an amazing feeling to take away the pain from a laboring mother, to fight for hemodynamic control with a ruptured aortic aneurysm, to be entrusted with someone's life and to guard it with all of your being. At the end of the anesthesia day, I feel fulfilled by what I've done, and blessed that God has let me do it.