Mojo Filter profile picture

Mojo Filter

Don't let the weeds get higher than the garden.

About Me

Fitter
Happier
More productive
Comfortable
Not drinking too much
Regular exercise at the gym (3 days a week)
Getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries
At ease
Eating well (no more microwave dinners and saturated fats)
A patient better driver
A safer car (baby smiling in back seat)
Sleeping well (no bad dreams)
No paranoia
Careful to all animals (never washing spiders down the plughole)
Keep in contact with old friends (enjoy a drink now and then)
Will frequently check credit at (moral) bank (hole in wall)
Favours for favours
Fond but not in love
Charity standing orders
On Sundays ring road supermarket
(no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants)
Car wash (also on Sundays)
No longer afraid of the dark
Or midday shadows
Nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate
Nothing so childish
At a better pace
Slower and more calculated
No chance of escape
Now self-employed
Concerned (but powerless)
An empowered and informed member of society
(pragmatism not idealism)
Will not cry in public
Less chance of illness
Tires that grip in the wet (shot of baby strapped in back seat)
A good memory
Still cries at a good film
Still kisses with saliva
No longer empty and frantic
Like a cat
Tied to a stick
That's driven into
Frozen winter shit (the ability to laugh at weakness)
Calm
Fitter, healthier and more productive
A pig
In a cage
On antibiotics.

My Interests

Performing humorous impressions of prominent politicians using only my anus.

I'd like to meet:

The guy who shoots the birds at the airport.

Music:

All the good stuff. Jazz, Blues, Soul, Funk, Prog Rock, 60's Psychedelia, Acid Rock, Folk, Radiohead, Jimi Hendrix, Dead Meadow, Simon And Garfunkel, The Animals, Aretha Franklin, B.B. King, The Beatles, Beck, Black Sabbath, Bob Dylan, Bob Marley, The Byrds, The Commodores, Cream The Doors, Duke Ellington, Fatboy Slim, Freddie Hubbard, Gary Glitter (Yes, I know, leave him alone), The George Baker Selection, Gil Scott-Heron, Henry Purcell, Isaac Hayes, Jaco Pastorious, James Brown, Jefferson Airplane, Jethro Tull, The Kinks, Saint-Saens, Prokofiev, Rimsky Korsikov, Mussorgsky, Lou Reed, Ludwig Van, Miles Davis, Monty Python, Mr. Bungle, Nirvana, The Ohio Players, Pink Floyd, The Presidents of the USA, The Pretty Things, Procol Harum, Pulp, Quincy Jones, Ravi Shankar, Ray Conniff, Ron Grainer, Russell Morris, Sam and Dave, Sex Pistols, The Small Faces, THE SMITHS, TISM, Tom Waits, The Verve, The White Stripes, Wilson Pickett, Wolfmother and The Yardbirds among others...

Movies:

Withnail and I, Revenge Aussie Style, Godzilla, Barbarella, Yellow Submarine, Spirited Away, The Matrix, Topsy Turvy, The Blues Brothers, Carry On films, The Italian Job, A Clockwork Orange, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Alfie, All the Star Trek Films, The orginal Star Wars Trilogy, All the Monty Python films and various others that I can't remember

Television:

Monkey, Futurama, Star Trek(s), Stargate (both SG-1 and Atlantis), Doctor Who (My main man), Hornblower, The Simpsons, Family Guy, The Mighty Boosh, The Smell of Reeves and Mortimer, Monty Python's Flying Circus and various other British comedies

Books:

The Wheel of Time series, 1984, Animal Farm, Brave New World, Dopeland, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Wilfred Owen Poetry, Charles Bukowski, various others.

Heroes:

Doctor Who (Jon Pertwee and Tom Baker especially), Miles Davis, John Lennon, Oscar Wilde, Michael Caine, John Cleese, Michael Palin.

My Blog

Before you get all "Oh, Tim hates me" on me...

Just so we're all cool I'll explain where all the old comments have gone.  I deleted them.  Each and every one as a method of wiping the slate clean and starting afresh.  All good? ...
Posted by Mojo Filter on Mon, 08 Jan 2007 04:35:00 PST

Can't afford shiyat...

I'm sick of being poor.  I miss the days when I could work five days a week, knock off on friday and have a bit of dosh left over to spend on a beer or two, a bottle of red or perhaps a film.&nbs...
Posted by Mojo Filter on Thu, 14 Dec 2006 05:18:00 PST

Adventures inside the Central Bureaucracy

Why must the government make it so damned hard to scam them rotten for some hard earned cash?  I applied for the youth allowance about two months ago and, after various twists, turns and unfortun...
Posted by Mojo Filter on Wed, 06 Dec 2006 07:10:00 PST

Just in case any one happens to notice.

Happenings are afoot... Namely, me getting incredibly frustrated at my stupid self for not getting my stupid arse in gear months ago and actually sitting down and making this fucking folio.  IT'S...
Posted by Mojo Filter on Wed, 08 Nov 2006 01:32:00 PST

It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times...

Had an interesting day today;  I discovered that a fifty year-old bandage makes a damn fine neck kerchief. I finished making a damn fine pair of trousers, only to discover that I'll need to take...
Posted by Mojo Filter on Thu, 02 Nov 2006 06:44:00 PST

Catastrophe

My petrol gauge is a lying fuckwit.  You figure it out.
Posted by Mojo Filter on Thu, 26 Oct 2006 10:30:00 PST

Happenings...

Okay, first order of business:  Congratulations to Miss Beef on a truly first-class haircut!!  Magnificent! Secondly:  Congratulations to me on buying a truly first class car, the lovel...
Posted by Mojo Filter on Tue, 24 Oct 2006 05:49:00 PST

Poor Ol' Tim

It never rains but it pours.  For the past year there has been nothing much (with the possible exception of train tickets) that I've NEEDED to shell out big money for.  But now, within the s...
Posted by Mojo Filter on Mon, 16 Oct 2006 05:09:00 PST

The first survey of the holiday season

*You have $10 and need to buy snacks at a gas station; what do you buy?- Ooh, um..  Cheezels?  No. Errr...  Banana paddle-pop?  Hmmm.. No.  Slurpee?  OH GOD, I CAN NEVER ...
Posted by Mojo Filter on Thu, 14 Sep 2006 10:28:00 PST

Anyone for a holiday? (Ooh! Me! Pick me!)

I need a fucking holiday!  I am going in tomorrow to be whinged at for "not doing enough work" because I was down in the shop, helping out.  I mean, SHIT; the whole point I gave up my f...
Posted by Mojo Filter on Tue, 12 Sep 2006 07:54:00 PST