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Beard

About Me



Tom's the name & Beard's....the..game?
I like tea
Beer
My mates
Music
Films
Beer
Jager
Err..? Beer
Apples
Bananas
Stuff
Things
Stuff with things...
And beer!!
I play guitar in Kastrated and also in Sunken Monkey
Jack-Knife Caravan is an up and coming musical project involving many of Burnley's finest musicians. More info coming soon.....
Ever noticed that the "people" of Burnley can make a sentence into just one word?
Here are some examples:
"What are you doing tonight?" becomes "Wotyonwi?"
"Who did you come with?" becomes "Oojacumwi?"
"You will hear her" becomes "Yooleera"
"Give me a go" becomes "Gizabash"
"What is the point?" becomes "Spoint?"
"What are you looking at?" becomes "Yulukinat?"
Just a few things that either don't make sense or annoy me, usually because they don't make sense!!
"Let bygones be bygones"
What the shit does that mean?!?
I understand that bygone means "something that has gone by" but a bygone IS a bygone!
You have to let it be one!!
It is what it is!
It has to be a bygone, you don't decide to "let it be one"
That pisses me off, it makes no sense!
How can you be in the "middle of nowhere"?
Surely if it is nowhere, as in "it isn't there" then it can't have a middle??
Pringles!
"Once you pop, you can't stop" i believe their slogan is?!
If this is indeed true... then why do they have a lid?
If you can't stop then there is no need for a lid
There is nothing left to seal in!!
Fuckin pringle bastards
Bus bell thingys
Why do buses have a brail-like pattern on the bell thingy for telling the man that you want to get off??
How can a blind person tell when they have reached their destination?
Ask yourself.......
"What is the worst kind of shit?"
DOG SHIT!!!
Yeah it is!!
When someone describes something to you that they thought was a bit crap, they will usually say.....
"Ah man, watched this film thuther day, it were DOGSHIT!"
Dogshit.
The worst kind of shit!
i am the inventor of the phrase 'rickin buzzards'
i use it far too much and it really makes no sense if you were to think about it!
ricking (with a 'g'):
rick (rik)
n. A stack of hay, straw, or similar material, especially when covered or thatched for protection from the weather.
tr.v. ricked, rick·ing, ricks To pile into ricks.
and buzzard:
buz·zard –noun
1. any of several broad-winged, soaring hawks of the genus Buteo and allied genera, esp. B. buteo, of Europe.
2. any of several New World vultures of the family Cathartidae, esp. the turkey vulture.
3. Slang. a contemptible or cantankerous person (often prec. by old): That old buzzard has lived in the same shack for twenty years. -
adjective
4. Obsolete. senseless; stupid.
so am i correct in thinking that a 'rickin buzzard' is a turkey vulture that gets pleasure from stacking and thatching hay or similar materials in to piles? who knows? to me it means that it is something quite good! 'i got a new cd today, it is a rickin buzzard' for example. use it as you will and use it far too often, spread the word of 'rickin buzzard' to all who you meet, may it bring joy and confussment to those whom it is bestowed upon!
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Myspace Layouts at Pimp-My-Profile.com / Binary - Image Hosting

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

anyone in to brutal, harsh, crazy or noisey music, back to the future and horror films. folk who like to get pissed, talk shit and will party with me! genuine people who don't stab you in the back or talk shit about you!

the man who thought of combining milk, water and tea leaves!!! what a guy!!

oh also the monkeys who used to drink pg tips, they would be right funny bastards to have a drink with! tea of course!

These videos are awesome!!!

My Blog

CEREAL LOSSES IT'S TESTICLES!!! OMFG! and also, WTF??!!

Holy shit-balls!!!!!At approx 9:35 this morning i was shocked, shaken and also deeply saddened by a discovery unknown by oneself until this time!!It was a normal day at work, much like any other that ...
Posted by on Thu, 22 Jan 2009 11:36:00 GMT

The most broooootal thing i have ever seen!!

Last night on BBC1 i watched a wildlife programme thingy about "giant japanese hornets" and these men are brutal muthabitches i tell thee! Basically the queen hornet woman sent out all of her minions ...
Posted by on Fri, 08 Jun 2007 10:23:00 GMT

A few more things to think about....

"day-light saving time" and "leap years" surely these events only occur due to whoever decided on the number of hours in a day/days in a year and getting it wrong! why do we have an extra day every f...
Posted by on Sun, 27 May 2007 06:23:00 GMT

People who smell of shit.....

....there's far too many of them lurking around in burnley! they stink! and what, i ask thee, do they spend their hard earned dole money on?? computer games! and crap one's at that! two people were...
Posted by on Thu, 24 May 2007 11:35:00 GMT

AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!

is the sound that i have just made.......it's story time........donna came round to pick up my camera as she is borrowing it for tonight to take photos (obviously) of the bands playing at sanctuary. u...
Posted by on Fri, 30 Mar 2007 08:27:00 GMT

free final fantasy strategy guide by beard

press 'x' mate! that's it!! ooh sorry! i'm with-holding some vital controls!! press 'o' to cancel! there you go! hope i was some help to you all!
Posted by on Fri, 16 Mar 2007 10:25:00 GMT

I'm bloody famous i tell thee.....

check out this link that jake sent me, http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Burnley   here's a snippet from the page! Religion The people of Burnley, however mentally challenged, still have a religion...
Posted by on Sun, 04 Feb 2007 10:57:00 GMT

Beard's savage nosebleed

just thought that i'd add this on here as i got many compliments on my writing skills! so for any of you that missed it first time around, here it is again!! enjoy: woah! just had my first ever nose b...
Posted by on Sun, 28 Jan 2007 13:36:00 GMT

wheat crunchies

i'm eating wheat crunchies! i bought a multi-pack of 12. there's spicy tomato, crispy bacon & big cheese flavours. they are ace!! they now contain 50% less saturated fat than in 2005 and are now l...
Posted by on Wed, 13 Dec 2006 11:51:00 GMT

this is very boring, do not read!

i told you not to read it!
Posted by on Sun, 03 Dec 2006 18:05:00 GMT