The Competitive Masturbating Association is dedicated to being the worlds primier league of competiting masturbating. Competitive Masturbating is a sport in which there are two teams. Each team starts out with three players on offense all of which stand on a 5' diamiter podium. The three podiums are known as the Right, Center, and Left Podium.
If a player gets the splooge off the podium it is worth two points, splooge that doesn't make it off the podium it is worth one point. The team with the most points at the end of the game is the winner!!
At the start of the game each team has only three offensive players on the field, however once a team gets to five total jerks (total jerks=the amount of times splooge is released from the penis and NOT how many points are recorded, therefore a team could have up to ten points with five total jerks)the opposing team may put a defenisive player on the field. When the first team gets to ten total jerks a second defensive player from the opposing team is allowed on and finally a third player from the opposing team is allowed on the field when the first team gets 15 total jerks.The goal of the offense is to record as many points as possible, the most important stat for an offensive player is total points.
The goal of the defense is to limit the offensive points. The defense does this by recording softies. Defensive stratagies will follow in the defensive section.
The Game lasts for 90 Minutes split into two 45 minute halves.The remaining rules are split into to catagories, offensive and defensive.OFFENSIVE RULES1. An offensive player may not close their eyes to ignore a defensive player. The referee's descresion is used to decide when a blink comes an extended blink. The punishment for an extended blink is a two minute period where the offending player must remove thier hands from their penis and step off the podium.2. An offensive player may not look away from the front of the podium. The punishment for an offense is that the offending player must remove thier hands from their penis and step off the podium.3. Taunting, when an offensive player taunts a defensive player, this can either be a two or four minute penalty.DEFENSIVE RULES1. After a softie is recorded the defensive player must immediatly leave the Offensive player who has been "forced soft" and go to another player. A player who offends this rule must leave the field for four minutes.2. The defense is allowed to make moaning or screaming noises for five seconds out of every minute. (NOTE: this can be done in the last five seconds of one minute and the first five minutes of another if the defensive player chooses, making ten seconds in a row of "noise." A player who breaks this rule is subject two a two minute penalty
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