About Me
It is not known from which country, (or continant for that matter,) Karlos Mananos was born. What is known is that he was raised by a gang of carnivorous nomadic porcupine, who taught him English, and the ability to fix electrical goods without voiding the warrenty.
In 865AD he was involved in the Viking invasion of Briatin. Earlos, 'Great Viking lord of fire and the dance' (as he was known), was in the vast army which invaded the boring little island off the coast of Vikingland, (as it was known so don't let anyone tell you different). He was a bit pissed off at the shitty weather, for at the time Vikingland was a hot, luscious paradise with water parks and merry-go-rounds, full of puppies and achievable dreams. Undetered he set about fighting his way through much of Northern England, stopping briefly to ask directions and drink some meed, eventually Northern, Central and Eastern England were under control of Earlos and his Great army, he thought about invading the West as he had heard about the tasty cider, but he was also told of the strange mutant peoples who lived their, so desided against it.
Around 1713, he was spotted amoung the crew of Blackbeards pirates, with the name Charles the Bastard, he sailed with 'The Beard', as 'The Bastard' called him, for many years eating animals and drinking rum, grogg and a light red from Bordeaux. They captured many ships together and partook in the often unheard off pirate past time, 'Mouse trap'. One time on a teddy bears picnic on a tropical island, The Beard and The Bastard were set apon by another, less handsome, group of pirates, a fearce fight insued in which The Bastard killed seven men with a plastic teddy eye. The Beard was so impressed that he promotted his pirate brother to 'Captain The Bastard' and gave him his own ship. It was now Captain The Bastard made his reputation as a bad-ass pirate, he drank and pillaged until he could pillage no more, (although he continued to drink) He rescued Maidens from less dashing pirates and wrote hundreds of sea chanties, such as the classics; 'I'm gonna bang the maiden' 'Let's all get shit-faced' and 'Who hid the Mouse trap board?'. In 1739, now a fearsome pirate, he disapeered.
He was found again in 1954 in a small bar in New York, under the name 'Jumpin mauve killer K', and was a key catalyst in the early swing scene, it was said his English had a faint hit of porcupine, but this was dimissed as ludicrous. Unfortunatly, he soon fell out of favour with the swing scene as his left foot was smaller than his right. He left the USA on a raft constructed from empty crisp packets and old photographs, he arived in Mexico in the early spring 2086, (soon realising he had built a ''time-raft''.) It was here he was named 'Karlos Mananos' by the locals, meaning 'Nice face porcupine boy.' Unfortunatly the time-nology was stolen by the icelandic government in an evil alliance with microsoft, and Karlos was taken back to England 1967, on the plus side it was here he gained his diploma from Oxford university in Science and root vegtables. In 1979, when he had finally finished his diploma, he met the Devil living in the hill, he saved Satan from an elective of angry bees, in return, Satan introduced Karlos to Reno Menendez, who had been lucifers lover for a number of years. he was also introduced to Slimos Marinios, (whos band, 'The Lime Green Castanets,' Karlos was a big fan.) And El Bean Juan Paulo, who had been Satans PA since before the beginning of time. Now Satan wanted them to form a band, so transported them to 1986, but the world was still not ready for the viscous ska and evil fusion, and thus, Satan took them further, to the year 2006. They were named 'Hell Death Fury' by the Devil, no-one really liked the name, they prefured 'The Cheaky Girls,' but were persuaded otherwise when told the name was already taken, and that Satan would eat their souls with salad and caeser dressing if they did not take the name.
In 2042 Karlos left the band to fight in the rebel uprising on the planet Sunny delight, he soon became the leader of the rebel forces and was killed several times. He heard Reno had formed a side project mixing Jazz/Trance fusion with Drum and Bass/Birdsong fusion... he made millions. Slimos married 16.4 super models and was arested for bigumy, fortunatly, his conections with the RSPCA got him out of prison time, but was given four seconds of comunity service. El Bean went back to his old job as the Devils PA, but with better pay and more holiday... He is still unhappy.
In 2086 the Sunny-D war was over, the rebels were beaten in a humiliating 4-2 penalty shoot out. Karlos returned to Earth, stopping in Mexico to warn past-Karlos of the evil Icelandic/microsoft facist alliance. It was now he rejoined Hell Death Fury and played a comeback gig in Melksham town hall to over five billion people, by which time, younger-Karlos had beaten the Icelandic government and microsoft and pattented the time-raft in an easy to use hair dryer... he made millions. Which ment Hell Death Fury, conveniently forgetting the paradoxical effects of Karlos's time travelling escapades, were free to go wherever in time they, or the Dark Lord pleased..... the end.