Grant Ashe®

I am a curious fella. I have always wanted to get inside the head of a Kangaroo. But, I doubt I would fit. I think paper bags are overhyped. When I'm not helping old ladies cross the street, I find time to invent new ways to jump rope. I was voted "best smile" by the people of Zimbabwe. I don't have to take the eye test when I go to get my drivers license. I don't believe in the Dewey Decimal System. The Spice Girls wrote three songs about me that were never recorded in the studio. I carry dice in my pocket at all times, just incase a gang of eskimo's try to sneak attack me. I have defended small countries with just a coat hanger and a shield made of cardboard. Blind people love me. I just recently found out that Dirty Dancing was not based on a true story. In my spare time, I draw fake treasure maps for armless pirates. I drive the speed limit. I bet Asians are disappointed when they actually see Rice University. Pilgrims are people too. I tried to petition the Government to make April 26th, National No Pants Day, but Levi Jeans balked at the idea. If I could punch one person in the throat? Steven Seagal. The color yellow offers many options if your painting an old, abandoned cabin. I watched every episode of The Brady Bunch one weekend and still found time to build a very sturdy canoe for orphans. People rave about my Domino playing ability. I'm addicted to Saltine Crackers. My one call from jail would be to you. I'm HUGE in Indonesia. Spider-Man stole my idea. Connie Chung stalked me for years. Yes, I make house calls. Dogs prefer to hump my left leg over my right. I purposely walk under ladders. The invention of the paper clip has changed the entire complex of the world. My favorite planet is Jupiter. 68% is my favorite percentage. White lies are fun. I swim in the ocean just for the taste. I have built sand castles in Pakistan, read books in Australia and talked with David Hasselhoff in Spain. I am known worldwide for my talent in taming Camels. The elderly find comfort in me. I turn torture chambers into tickle tanks. The Police know not to hand-cuff me. I am the 3-time defending Cherokee County Monopoly Champ, always being the thimble. I learned German in Brazil. Kites are nothing without strong wind. I juke, I jive, I never two step. Penguins impersonate me. I practice the moonwalk. I use the word "plethora" as much as I can. .

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