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About Me

I realized that there was no Santa Claus when I was about 5 years old...when I stabbed that fat bastard in the neck with a sharpened Oscar Mayer weenie whistle he gave me the year before. Bad move, fat man in red...
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I saw a box of animal crackers today at the grocery store that had a bunch of happy-looking, brightly-colored cartoon animals on the box. Over a blue lion was a speech bubble that read "Hey, Mom! Take me everywhere! Don't forget the lunch box!" Frankly, I thought that this would be more effective--"Hey, Mom! You're a consumer whore, and so is your kid! Buy the box behind me!"
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A scene kid was nice enough to send me a message a couple months ago:
"ur an ugly asshole whos never gonna get any."
Judging by her profile picture, she was about 13 years old, wore white-out on her face instead of makeup, dunked all of her hair in a bucket of black house paint, bought her clothes from a hooker, and had a diet that consisted of nothing but pizza rolls and orange crush. God, I wish I could bang the shit out of her...
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I saw a 1987 Toyota Van for sale today for $2100. It looked fantastic. I almost had an orgasm.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

You.

My Blog

Sometimes it’s good to feel miserable.

Sometimes life isn't always peaches and cream. Bad things are bound to happen--be it a small thing like a spilling teriyaki sauce on your favorite pair of jeans, or a big thing like one of your best ...
Posted by on Mon, 10 Nov 2008 10:43:00 GMT

Damn, it feels good to be a liberal!

There's nothing I like more than eating some new, trendy vegan dish while sitting cross-legged in a circle with a bunch of people with drums in the middle of a clearing. My favorite band is Phish, I ...
Posted by on Mon, 29 Sep 2008 09:18:00 GMT

Is he batshit crazy?

I'm not an evil genius, I'm not harboring some deep resentment toward the "more fortunate," and I don't act the way I do to try to get laid. I am who I am because that is the way I am--it's just that ...
Posted by on Thu, 21 Aug 2008 21:16:00 GMT

Favorite music?

Here it is--a list of all of my five-star-rated songs on iTunes. Peruse at your pleasure.A - The SpringsALL - DotALL - BreatheALL - Crazy?The Allman Brothers Band - JessicaThe Aquabats - Pizza DayArt...
Posted by on Mon, 29 Oct 2007 00:01:00 GMT

Youll know when its time to leave.

So, here's the deal--I just left a note for my supervisor that says:"This is my two weeks notice. My last day working here will be Saturday, October 20th."Of course, to people who know me well enough...
Posted by on Fri, 05 Oct 2007 01:15:00 GMT

Some people crack me up!

There are three girls now who have sent me multiple messages about how ugly I am and how I should kill myself based on that fact alone. Here's my open letter to EVERY girl who has or ever will send m...
Posted by on Thu, 12 Jul 2007 01:07:00 GMT

ATTENTION WOMEN!

This is a brief but very serious message that I believe in whole-heartedly.Some women need a reality check. If some woman is abused repeatedly, takes out restraining orders time and time again, et ce...
Posted by on Wed, 09 May 2007 01:19:00 GMT

I'm a changed man.

Due to recent events, my attitude towards other people in general has changed dramatically.  I don't feel like I need to go into details, but if you need to know why I have changed quite a bit ov...
Posted by on Mon, 19 Feb 2007 23:21:00 GMT

Why I believe what I believe.

Frankly, I think that nobody should have a belief without a tangible reason.  This is why I'm stating a few of my beliefs with tangible reasons for said beliefs.  My views are not meant to p...
Posted by on Wed, 07 Feb 2007 16:46:00 GMT

My thoughts on life

Life is meant to be enjoyed.  If you're unhappy, count your blessings.  Chances are that if you have the means to read this, you have things pretty damn good.  Do you have food?  D...
Posted by on Sun, 21 Jan 2007 23:44:00 GMT