can't shake this little feeling
Home Add Blog Comment Message PicturesI used to be awesome at writing these longass things about myself. I used to be funny as hell, I used to be smart and cleaver. Nowdays it's like I have too much words that need to come out, and when I try to shape them into something that'll make at least a little sense, I.. fail. Big time. So I'm usually just quiet and curse myself and my mind for not beeing organized enough. I lost all my spellingskills too. I used to define myself as a thinker, someone you could talk to, lean on and trust. And I was that person. Was, past tense. I miss it now. I dont know if it was because I had too much time on my hands, and now I don't. Life catches up on you. It feels like I don't have time to stop and think, nor smell the goddamn roses anymore. I wish I had. Im scared that I'll be caught in this world that everyone seems to live in. This busy, hectic world. It breaks my heart when I think about what I used to be and what I seem to be now.
I get lost in music and in books. Because then and only then can I feel like my old self again. It's the only thing that feels pure and real. Thats why My Chemical Romance, Bright Eyes and The Used mean so much to me. They keep me sane. They've been around for ages now, and Im not letting them go. Not now, not ever. I get this wonderful feeling in my chest when I hear the first tunes from one of their songs, when I hear the first line... It's better than all the love I've never really felt. Nothing can be compared to it, so I've kinda given up about boyfriends, girlfriends or anything similar to it. I have Emma though. She's the best person I know and I look up to her so much. She's so great and she inspires me and gives me such strength. I feel that fuzzy feeling inside when I think about how lucky I am to have met her, to be able to call her my friend and all the beautiful moments we've had together. There's no one quite like her.
It was a happy discovery when I realized that I'll probably never grow up. Im a big dork and I laugh at everything. I sometimes goof around too much. And I've started to notice that I really, REALLY don't act my age. Maybe I should just grow up.
Henry Rollins' books plays a big part for my head;
Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on
sunsets and makes night air smell better.