laid back as a lebanese hooker
contagious as chlamydia
hot as.... harold bishop.
OMFGWTFL0LROFLMAO!!!111oneone Ben's updated his about me!!!
(That's what I'm assuming people would say if they cared)
Does anyone else find that while writing little blurbs about yourself, along with informing other people about your little likes and dislikes, you find out a lot about yourself? Or that it's really satisfying and liberating? Or you start getting aroused and fondling your elbows?
No? Maybe thats just me.
We'll I'm going to tell you about my life in a nutshell, and I expect this shell back. And do NOT suck the salt off this aforementioned shell, then put it back in the bowl for an unsuspecting victim to pick up and put in their mouth.
Now where do I begin.. Well my mum and dad loved each other very much, and there's this thing called 'sexual intercourse'... Too much? Okay then.
Mum = Chinese (Hence the large panda-ish and somewhat squinty/slanty/slopey appearance)
Dad = Australian ( Explains the lack of work ethic, inability to be sober and somewhat nasally and drawling accent)
They shacked up in the Eastern lands of China & Japan where they popped me out in this little fishing village you have probably never heard of called 'Tokyo'.
So they raise me there, where my dad was a male model and my mum... was very.. Mothery.. (NOT to be confused with MOTHhery which is the genocide and/or serial killing of moths)
I turn 3, then BAM, they're all like 'Lets go to Australia again' and I'm all like 'Goo goo Ga' and they're all like ' WOAH man, lets go' and I'm all 'look a doggy!' then they're all like ' you're freakin me out mannn' then I was all 'Konichiwa, Mate'.
So we land on this barren terrain where you swear or you're queer. You drink or you're soft. You make fun of Kiwi's or you get deported. So basically I took all these traits on, and live by them like a code. A Da Vinci Code even. No. just an ordinary code.
Primary school was awesome until I got pushed off the play fort into the sand (which would have been fine, if it was actually sand and not just a thin facade of sand covering a slab of concrete) and I snapped both my legs in 2, placing me in a wheelchair for quite some time.
Ah yes then there's High school. The place where everyone fears you'll get you're head flushed in the toilet, or you get wedgies, OR a combination of the two which I can't even logistically,physically, mentally fathom or comprehend. But it turned out pretty cruisy and we had our fair share of laughs.
Throwing fine dirt into the sports hall air vents to get sucked outside and rain down, and into the eyes and on ice creams of anyone passing.
Playing patient games of 'who will step in the strategically placed gum/pizza pocket combo'.
And my all time favourite 'throw a ball in the air and hope it lands on someones head'.
This was all fun by myself of course, but boy oh boy, was it fun with ACTUAL other people.
Graduated, worked in a decrepit cess pool of a restaurant, serving unimaginably unhygienic Japanese foodstuffs.
and NOW my friends, I sit perched at my computer in a little cramped office in the sticks, where I should be doing that whole work thing (which is overrated if you ask me). I suppose my correct job title would be Graphic Designer/Owner but I think Coffee Drinker/Chronic Masturbator would be a more accurate description.
I spend my nights and weekends 'boogieing down' and 'strutting at the discotheque' , which burns a rather large hole in my proverbial pockets, but thats okay because... Actually I should probably crunch some numbers and figure out how that will continue indefinitely.
I like to think of myself as a pretty easy going fellow who enjoys a fine dining experience now and then and conversing over a ridiculously over priced and slave-picked mocha-espresso-frappe-grande-decaf-latte-cino hold the cream.
So if this all hasn't freaked you out and/or made you foam at the mouth, convulse and spontaneously combust, then I implore you. Add me or drop me a line. I presume we will get along famously.
See you round spermrags!
Layout Created at KillerKiwi.net
Shaun Micallef - in Parliament
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDn_1Xa2a_o
Closest thing to the real thing.