About Me
I got my myspace layouts from www.gotomylayouts.comI am just a very simple easy-going kind of guy who has learned through my life and my experiences, that I much prefer peace of heart, spirit & soul...quiet and enjoyable. Not to say that I do not enjoy exciting times or moments, because I do. Just not into high maintanance on those who choose to thrive on drama and suffer from the "help me-look at me" kind of life, believing that someone out there will 'fix' me (I used to be that person)....Y'know what I am sayin'...
In the not so recent past (hmmm...8 to 10 years or so...) I met a couple of incredible women, who had the most profound of life and experience to share with me, and yes, it was up to me to not only listen to their experience, but hear, to choose my life, my healing... from my soul and the way out of the 'abused victom trap'. The Road Home...the way out!...of what I was 'brain-washed' from birth into believing...was truth. I look back now on the 'in the beginning' of my life and it literaly cracks me up, what a narrow limited view some people choose life to be. One of the two women, named in my hero section, Gail, is just the picture of love and acceptance, Joy, and LIFE+, no she is not perfect and will tell you that. and the other...Karen was trained not only from schooling but her own life experience, as a Transformational Therapist...I have been mentioned in the past as her poster child for life transformation...Taught me tons of amazing life skills, which I still work on daily, gave a gift to me which I have and will always cherish...and share with those who hear. In any and all spaces of discomfort and doubt in life always STOP, and ask yourself the two most important LIFE-CHANGING questions I truly believe in, and do forget from time to time..."How do I feel here" in this frozen moment of life and fear (when your heart stops and you do not know what to do), and "What would I...I like to see happen here" and follow it through!...but I had to choose it, and I was oh so ready. Fear is my friend now, and valued teacher. I love to share life and experiences with anyone interested in the journey complete. No judgement (as little as I can, and am aware of and yes, it makes itself known to me when needed), very curious, never expecting, ALWAYS OPEN to learning from my fears, as well as my accepting responsibility for what 'stuff' is mine, that I need to work out.And I do have a lot of stuff I am constantly evolving in my heart and soul. It is a moment by moment work in progress.I am a constant learner... A knowledge junkie (could be why at age 45, I am loving being back in school in pursuit of a degree. Not to mention, being alone and such a loner for the past 7-8 years, learning to let people in a bit...(not too close...LOL)...!
My absolute favorite study is that of the human condition (hence my email address for years 'iwatch'. I have always believed that we are all part of this ONE amazing energy of what some, not all, term...God. In so believing...my ultimate goal, dream, wish...LONGING, has been and will continue to be I search to be at peace and one with God...my interpretation of what I feel and know to be God. Also, just to be loved for me. I had to learn how to do that...the hard part...learning to love myself,it has been a challenge these past three years or so (just ask, if you'd like to know)...
If in fact, in the end we are all one...then I would like to think that each and every one of you, are a part of me that I have not met yet...why judge you...because I do not understand? Choose to learn from what you do not know or understand, do not lose a valuable opportunity to gain the 'jewels' and 'treasures' that are out there if you are paying attention...How fair is judging someone you do not even know anything about just because you think they are different...aren't we all different...Hmmm? Yet I/you see it every day. What valuable piece of my wholeness would I lose or never learn about, if I chose not to know any of you. I have found that some of the most fascinating people that I have ever crossed paths with, Have gifted me with things and that have traveled a life-time within the make-up of who I am, have been those who have been heavily judged and persecuted by the 'majority' of those who think they have all the answers...sad but true!
Even who and what I would judge to be bad abusive people, (I am a survivor of abuse on a few very intense levels, which have taken a life-time and will continue with time to learn from and heal from... as a youngster-very young as well as a bit older...ask if you'd like to talk privately)...I try and find the jewel in "what can I learn from this, which I think 'SUCKS' & how could this person be like this, or do this to me or anyone"...it can and HAS been challenging, but once through the muck, very rewarding.
When I realize I am in judgement...I can always find a way back to me and my own guilt...learn from that as well. I love people, but have been told, and am still trying to learn, how about loving myself with that very passion...work in progress, after all "ONLY I CAN STOP SELF ABUSE" (another G&K Learning)...a learned behavoir.
I do not believe in coincedence...EVERYTHING and EVERYONE is for a reason in my life, if I choose to pay attention. If I do not...I will continue in 'that' experience, until I get it.
At this point, I am thinking that maybe I should be blogging...?
OK...'nuff said for the moment', I have been asked to at least start somewhere, so people have a better idea of who I am..."And so it Begins..."
A parting thought...honesty of a known judgement on my part...I would have never believed (before the traumatic injury/surgery 3 years ago, which brought me back to my hometown, (against my will...)) after fleeing at age 18, that I would/could ever meet anyone interesting, nice, caring, thoughtful and down right enjoyable. Nor would any of this life experience(s), be 'for a reason'...I was so wrong!...of course!
I have made a few very special friends here, whom I have already learned a great deal from about life and how to live it happier, as well as my own human condition. BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE...! I am not affraid of my sexual difference, or life-teaching/applying difference like all those years ago. There really are some very special people here that I have very strong and deep feelings for... You know who you are...
Sooner or later, as I get more and more comfortable with people being in my life again, after the past few years of thinking my life was over, living and hiding, and hanging on to the pain(s) of my 'lost life' and dim past!Feel free to let me know what you might be thinking...
