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When did it become acceptable in this country for a man to go from being a rugged, plaid-wearing, beef jerky eating badass to a well-groomed, "metrosexual" girly-boy like Ben Affleck? Affleck recently agreed to be a spokesman for L'Oreal, with L'Oreal quoted as saying "Ben embodies a new generation of men who show their strength in their personality but are not afraid to care for their appearance." Afraid of taking care of their appearances? It's not that we're afraid you assholes, it's that we don't menstruate. What next? Men getting hormone injections so they can breast feed?"Ben embodies a new generation of men who show their strength in their personality but are not afraid to breast feed their children."Is it okay that I don't have a sense of style? Is it okay for me to scratch myself? I'm hairy. I like wearing plaid and I don't want to be told how to dress by some dude with a "queer eye." Is that okay with you sissies, or would you like me to package my balls and neatly carry them in a purse? For crying out loud. You're turning us into a nation of pussies.Here's a tribute to real men, the kind of men who perpetuate our species, don't know what conditioner is used for, and don't apologize for not wearing makeup. Without further ado, a real man:Aron Ralston:If you're asking yourself "who the hell is Aron Ralston," you'd better step back and re-evaluate your life right now. Ralston, the living legend, was hiking up a cliff in southern Utah (probably to do something manly like take a leak off of it), when a giant boulder fell on him, pinning his arm against the ground. Most people would have just died, but did he surrender his life to a mere giant life-threatening boulder? Hell no. He just kept getting angrier and angrier until he finally CUT OFF HIS ARM WITH A DULL KNIFE. This after he literally chiseled away at the bone so he could snap his arm off and free himself from underneath the rock. Yes, you read that correctly, he cut off his own arm with a dull pocket knife.Since I don't have any credible sources of what happened next, I'm going to go off of the next best thing: hearsay and rumor. After he cut off his arm, he jumped off the cliff and broke his fall with his face, just because he's that tough. Then he got ambushed by a tribe of angry Indians, caught an arrow in his heart, pulled it out and killed all the warriors with it. On his way back a buffalo crossed his path so what did Ralston do? He head-butt it to death, then he found its offspring and broke their ribs just for pissing him off. Then he chopped down a tree with his undoubtedly large penis, built a raft out of it and rafted down the green river. That's the damn truth--more or less. Aron Ralston is a real man and one tough son of a bitch. He deserves utmost respect for being such a badass.